OMG, I've been waiting for this since so many days.

Today was also another day, when the fabricator promised to deliver the railing. I went there at 3:30 in another hope. And, to see rest of the work going on in the flat.

The work was going in full swing, it is just that the whole house is in mess. Its all dirty, thanks to our contractor.

My eyes were all on the main gate, continuously searching for the railing. In few minutes, I saw lot of guards were looking at our flat. I was afraid, as what if they will again ask for FMG. I prayed so much at that time. I could see the guy was waiting for guards to give them clearance. I could see, the main guard talking to someone on phone. I was really afraid what if he will not allow now. I could see, he is shaking his head. May be on our railing, or on something else.

After about 5 mins, one of labour went down. The guy must have called him to come down. I was just continuously praying. I was watching the whole scene closely.

Fially, I could see the two labourers lifted the railing and entered in the premise. Oh, I was relaxed. Untill the railing could enter in the flat, I was in so much tension.

When it entered our flat. It was like, something precious thing coming. I wanted to touch it. 

Now, its all settled. But, now I'm worried about the installation. I hope they will not put any more issues in that.

I have to get premission for welding work tomorrow.

Finally the railing is inside

I was on the peak of break. I just couldn't handle Kanika.It was in the month of October/November 2020. Adobe has a service where we can talk to some professionals where we can discuss our personal problems.I mentioned that I have suicidal thoughts, in troubled marriage. Need assistance. We did setup a meeting time.So, for the first time, I was discussing my troubled marriage with someone unknown.It was a lady. She listened to some of my problems. I told her, its becoming untolerable, and because of kids I'm not able to think about divorce. I narrated her few instances.&nbsp;She advised me to take divorce. As, being in a bad relation will affect both of us, and kids will also be affected by our fights. She explained it well. And, I was 60% convinced. She told me that Kanika can also come and meet her either 1:1 or both of us with her.&nbsp;I came back home stressed. Next day, I had booked an office for single day, as it was becoming difficult for me to stay at home. In the morning, I told her straight away, that I discussed with a counsellor, and she advised to take divorce.Her face changed in a moment. When I told her, if you are going to be like this, we are separating. She started crying. I left.I thought, what a change. Few days back, how rudely she was behaving with me and was in favor of separation. <a href="https://www.lifeintext.com/journals/she-lost-all-my-respect-she-was-in-favor-of-separation">Read this</a>.&nbsp;&nbsp;I was really surprised that she is upset listening to this. As, few days back she was very comfortable.&nbsp;<h2>Evening, plan change</h2>As I came back from office. I was kind of charged my thought, again because of kids.I told her, I was restless. She said something. We again thought of mending our ways of living.

Meeting with a Counsellor regarding troubled marriage

Kanika was becoming unbearable day by day. We were coming from Bhavika's vaccination.
While returning, we fought back in car. She made me so much frstrated. I yelled.
She recorded my anger, said few words. Stop recording it. And said BC. Wow.
I again told about getting separated. She told that I will get all 50%, sab milta hai aajkal ladies ko. 1 bache ko tum rakh lena.

I was wondering, wow. She might have see some article on internet. But, she looked confident.&nbsp;
But, she lost all my respect. Whatever respect she had till that date. As, she always used to be very independent. Now, she is like a gold digger.
I said, now where is your self-dependence (Atma nirbharta)

She lost all my respect, she was in favor of separation

After https://www.lifeintext.com/journals/omg-she-needs-weekend-to-fight.-i-had-to-raise-my-voice-to-stop-her,

How stupid we people are. I mean, marrying someone is the biggest decision of anyone's life. Its bigger than getting a job, bigger than getting a promotion, bigger than everything else. As you have to deal with it every single day.
If the The person to whom you are marrying, is the one you know or you love. Its heaven. Its not like love marriages doesn't end with divorce. But, at least its a decision that two people takes.
I'm feeling so trapped now, and terrible and frustrated. I agreed to marry a girl to whom I just met for an hour. That too, where I was just giving answers to her questions and probably asking some stupid questions. How come that one hour decide my entire life, for at least 50 years.
No, it can not decide that.
I've been married for 12 years, and as I grow more. I'm feeling like why I did take that decision.&nbsp;
<h2>The problem</h2>
We are not at all compatible. I do not want to bring the points that I hate about her. Its only about compatibility. We do not have anything in common. Our parents forced us and we agreed.
I did get golden chances to break our relation before marriage. How stupid I was. And, I did not discuss with anyone.
Its very important to have some close friends or at least someone to whom you share something personal. I never shared anything with anyone. Probably, that someone could force me not to marry this girl.
<h2>Why not leave now</h2>
I'm trapped with my beautiful kids. I just can not leave them. I know how wonderful our legal system is. She would take custody of at least one child. I can not live without anyone of them. Going away from my kids, makes me sad. There was a time, when I discussed with one of counsellor. And, she advised me to take divorce. As, its the best decision for my kids too. And, I almost decided. But, no. I melted.
I know, if I chose to live away from her. It would be the greatest decision of my life. In the end, its my life. And, what is the point, if I live it with full of sadness in life.
I do not talk to her much, and try to avoid almost any kind of conversation. She tried a lot to talk to me. I'm just so much fed up with her.
I can not discuss anything with her. I mean, we are not at all compatible. I never forced, or impose anything on her. She wants to be my boss every single time.
<h2>Thoughts</h2>
I don't think I will ever be take decision of going away from her. But, I do think about going away alone sometime, when my kids will go for higher studies or later.
I'm so successful today. But, what is the point when I'm not happy from inside.

Frustrated!

She is developing a new habit of fighting with Daksh. She constantly annoyed with Daksh. When he does't play, she complait about not playing. When he plays, she complained about how he plays. Come on, he is just 9 years old. And, she has so much expectations from him.
From last few nights, we constantly sleep after listening her abuses and anger. I was listening to some night meditation music, I couldn't as she didn't stop shouting on Daksh for unnecessary things. Daksh is naughty, but thats the way he is.
I feel very bad from Daksh's point of view. In the whole day, he had to listen a lot from her. I also shout on him. I remember, around 80% of the times, I shouted on Daksh because of her. I mean, I see he is playing. But as he makes noise. This irks her usually.
Today morning, he wake up. I do not know why she started shoutig on him again. And, it lasted untill I told her, what happened.&nbsp;
I asked her: What happened. He is our child. Why are you keep on yelling at him since night. Her reply, he is so annoying, doesn;t listen. Look at other kids, all are so smart and obidient. I stopped her, saying every child is unique. She just left. But she stopped after that (for few times)

Her constant fight with Daksh, so irritating for me

We were out in market to buy tiles. We got late. Daksh is really helping us these days, by being brave and responsible. He agrees to remain at home along with Bhavika. She takes care of Bavika when she wake up.

Usually, Daksh do something that caused Bhavika to wake up early. Either by his TV or tablet sound.

In the meantime, Bhavika wake up and she did potty. Our dear Daksh helped her cleaning it. I remember its the second time, he did it. It was a big help.

Daksh helped Bhavika clean 

I don't know, how much I prayed GOD for this. I lost few of my sleep because of this. I regret my decision of buying this flat because of this.

Today, the guy promised that he will bring the railing. The main hurdle is that Jaypee guards should let it come in. Its the main hurdle. I'm in so much tension.

The fabricator guy is so useless that he refused even today. Come on. Its been so many days, I think around 15 days. I'm listening from Ramesh, that he promised today, now after 2 days, after 2 days. I warned Ramesh that I had a bad experience with the same guy. How can these people do their work.

Today Balcony should be fixed

I talked to him, and just wished him luck for future. I did to ask whether your business is to doing well, and bla-bla. I told him, you didn't meet before going. And wished him luck.

I was actually feeling bad for him, as people come to this city to fulfill their dreams. And, they were probably in bad financial conditions. Rahul mentioned this before, that his business is not doing well.

I also thought that people, do overspend, just for show-off. They were like this. If your financial condition is not good, then it is your responsibility to reduce your expenses, keep your kids in less expensive schools. But, no.

Rahul (Father of Harsh) Left Noida finally

Yesterday, Daksh and Bhavika wwere playing. Daksh, as usual, became extra energetic. And, I don't know what exactly they were doing, Bhavika got hurt by a sharp corner of almirah. And, it was blood. It was a sharp cut. She cried a lot. I took her, Kanika took her. She cried for almost half an hour. 

Kanika applied some medicine. Bhavika was demanding a thorough care throughout the day. We pampered her a lot. In afternoon, I brought some other medicine. Which did some wonders to her wound. I went to temple in evening with her. And, she was in my arms throughout the time, in temple. Although, we went on her cycle.

In night, the time to put some more medicine before sleep. She said, "Thik ho gaya". (Its all healed). Medicine is finished :)

Bhavika got hurt, little deep cut in her leg's finger

Today, Shivi called Kanika and did some chit-chat.

Shivi told her that her marriage is fixed in November. And, her brother Shubham who is in USA since last 4-5 years, can not come. Due to some VISA problem.

My philosophy of not going abroad got some backing from these incidents. I mean, what is the point if you can not come in the happy and sad times of your family. What is the point in earning money then.

Few months back, her both parents were admitted to hospital due to Covid. And, they were all alone wiwth tie daughter. What is the point!

Shivi marriage, and I think her brother cant attend her wedding

Kanika was talking to Harsh's mother about any play school for our daughter. She informed her that they are going to Jaipur, and leaving Noida. He is joining a company. He was doing a business here, and it might not working well.

Rahul (Father of Harsh) is leaving Noida

https://www.lifeintext.com/journals/its-a-headache-since-we-bought-the-flat

I was almost restless throughout the day about the railing. Today was the day, railing has to come. I talked to Ramesh, our contractor, and he said it will come by 3. 

I did my lunch, and go straight there. I waited till 4:30, and asked again. He called the guy who was making railing. He said, it will come in 2 days. I was furious over him. I said, why are you keepig me in false promise, didn't you talk to him. he gave me some excuse.

Waiting for railing to come 

Today was my time for getting second dose of vaccination. It was scheduled at 12:30 in my office. I went, and it was smooth except the guy at counter was not finding my records for 1st dose.

Lets see, if I will get any fever or not.

I got my Second Dose of Covishield - Corona Time

We bought another flat in Jaypee Klassic B1-204 last month.

We were having some construction in flat. The flat was in such a good condition that we could start living in the flat. But, when someone has some extra money, they start wasting it. Anyway, we wanted to have a living room balcony there, and remove 2 walls to have a full fledged slider there, to have a big look.

But, everything requires a permission from Jaypee. Its been almost a month since the work started. And, 2 times the work has stopped. As Jaypee personals had come to stop the work. And strange thing is they came for a balcony which was already built. So, I had to goto Jaypee office 2 times. 

In first visit, I got approval for alimunium sliders. I forgot to add the safety grills in it. And, the guards were very strict. I did give some money to the superviser Vipin. And just by his support, we proceeded for the work. 

When I went first, Vipin straight away said, it can't be done. I was like, come on. How this can't be done? Then, he helped me in visiting to some senior there. And, somehow we got the permission. But, I forgot to add the railing.

Then, they somehow saw our already extended balcony. And, they kept on saying that this is not allowed. Which was something already built, I had to reply on. That guy was also understanding this, but I did not understand why he was there to stop the work.

Again, I went. This time, we couldn't find any senior staff. So, I had to come back. But, I got his permission to get the trolly unloaded.

I went in evening, and waited for Mr Arvind for almost half an hour, he came. And, went. Asking to meet some other guy. I met him, and he straight away said that let them do any work. I was like, great. But, give me this in permission as these guys do not listen. To which he said, I will not give anything in written, but its allowed. I nodded this with that Jaypee guy and Vipin.

I was happy, that I got the permission for everything.

I think tomorrow is the time, when the railing will come and it will be installed in a day or two. And, today guard said I will not allow railing. I again, became furious, sad and angry. Only that junior most guard was complaining. I asked, why are you becoming hero. You are disturbing now. He argued for few time, and I asked him to keep quite, and allow the stuff tomorrow. I gave him offer of 200 Rs.

Somehow, he agreed. But, I do not have faith in him.

Lets see tomorrow. I'm too much in prayer mode.

But, its so much tension for sure. I was regretting buying this flat. As, it was much tension. We could have bought some expensive flat with nno hasstle. It is just to save some money, we bought this flat.

Its a headache since we bought the flat

So, I started running again since last 3 days. As I mentioned, I left the plan to leave Aobde now. And, the plan seems to be a long one :)

I thought of giving time to my health now. 

Today, as I parked my cycle. I met Amit, he was running with his wife. I was surprised, and greeted. We talked, I did a full round of running with him.

And, then another round alone. Running is one of the best exercise for full body. I hope to continue it for long time.

Starting Running again since Monday, Met Amit today

First: https://www.lifeintext.com/journals/ayush-got-placed-happy-moment

He refused to join https://www.lifeintext.com/journals/ayush-decided-not-to-join-the-company!

Today he called and told me that he has joined it. His teacher has forcefully asked him to join. His reasos were not reasonable. Still he is no mood to join it. But, lets see.

Good thing is, he will get full salary. No internship.

Ayush joined the company

Few days back Ayush got a placement offer 

Today was his joining. I called him yesterday to know about his plans. I got a surprise when he said he is not joining and rejecting the offer.

- His mind is not giving him good signals

I was like, come on. You are taking a risk which may not be fruitful. It is the risk that he can not afford.

In evening, I also talked to Hitesh. And, he was also of the same opinion that he should have joined it.

And the thing he is not discussing these things with me. Where I was kind of involved much.

Ayush decided not to join the company!

Today, Sandeep is leaving Suma's team. I did talk to him about the reason in informal way.

she was micro-managing the team. And according to him, Shriya and Yogesh are also in same state. She never said anything about work. Her feedbacks were very strange. And, not very useful. They are rather painful, and confusing.

Well, I also had similar experience with Suman. 

Sandeep leaving Suman's team because of her

Bhumika Singhal left Adobe yesterday. She is going to USA for doing MS in data science.

It was really a unique experience working with her. We had quite different views about everything.

I will write more about her sometime later.

Bhumika left Adobe

My niece Ayush Gupta, who was studying in Noida from past 3 years got a job today.

I'm very happy for him. I prayed GOD for his job. He was a good student, although I knew that he is talented, but there is always a feat. What if he didn't get job.

All efforts are now sorted, got fruitful result. I remember, when he took admission in Lovely university, Punjab. I insisted his parents to admit their son to Noida. And, they agreed. It was a big decision then. As, they had done the admission, paid partial fees.

Today he called me, and I was super happy. I talked to her mom, my sister. And, I expressed my happiness. Although, I'm too bad in expressing any emotion. She said, its all because of me. She said, she cried hearing this news.