My friend asked what do I like about you? I remained silent. I dont know how to explain. Why do I fall so easily? Perhaps the depth of our conversations? Perhaps the frequency of our calls? Perhaps the longing of hearing your voice and your sharing :) Perhaps the familiarity?  I dont know. But one thing I know is that I am glad that I have known you. Even the ending is sad and bitter, but at least I can move on.

Prayers: Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for his presence in my life. I pray that may You close the door between me and him so that I can move on with Your grace and mercy. Fill my heart with Your grace, in the most precious name of Jesus Christ I pray

I miss you but the degree of longing is lesser

A story between two individuals, a man and a woman. Let's assume that male is Dhruv and female is Spatika. They met through a matrimonial site and liked each other's profiles. They got their first video call, and Dhruv was impressed by how Spatika behaved and how she spoke with him. On the other hand, Spatika was uncertain about Dhruv's first video encounter. She was perplexed, unsure whether Dhruv was flirting with her or whether it was Dhruv's internal feeling. The days passed, and both stayed silent. One fine day, Dhruv asked Spatika to have a video call. Spatika also thought of learning more about Dhruv, and agreed to get a call. In the second call, the two spoke well, and Spatika was also impressed with Dhruv's behaviour. The two of them were happy.

After that, they kept in constant contact. They shared their memories of life, their career paths, and so on. The two of them were extremely interested in each other.

During conversations, Spatika learned that Dhruv give more importance to physical appearance, always thinking that he has the best body and expecting the same from his partner. Spatika didn't exactly think of it.

Spatika and Dhruv were anxious to meet. They met, and Dhruv was not satisfied with Spatik's appearance. Spatika did not meet Dhruv's seemingly physical expectations. First thing Dhruv told Spatika was that you'd gotten too skinny. Spatika saw disappointment in Dhruv's face, and she felt very insecure, and all of her confidence vanished. Spatika wasn't interested in talking anymore, so she remained silent. On the other hand, Dhruv tried to speak so formally as opposed to their day-to-day conversation. Dhruv kept on saying your face looks small, you were nice in matrimony photos, when did you take those photos? Since when is your face so tiny?

Spatika was fed up and expected to leave as quickly as possible. They met for an hour, then left.

Spatika, which gives more importance to a person's mentality, how they speak and think is not specific to physical appearance. "Is that the same person she spoke to every day?" She kept wondering. Is she who I used to share everything with? she was shocked by the manner in which Dhruv spoke during their first direct meeting. She felt sad.

Spatika lost all her confidence. Everyone judged her when she got fat. She lose weight through diet and physical activity. Someone is now passing judgement based on physical appearance.

She just wanted a life partner who wouldn't judge her and accept her as who she is. On the other hand, whenever she met people through matrimonial proposals, everyone was only concerned about her physical appearance, and the feelings and inner behavior of her was little concern to them.

My last words are, "The appearance of our body is within our hands." We don't stay in shape. Happiness comes when we stop thinking about others' judgements and live life the way we want. I wish Spatika had the same mentality and learned something new whenever she was rejected by someone. I hope Spatika will have a life partner as she wishes.

thumbnail_hqdefault.jpg

hqdefault.jpg

Do looks matter more than personality ??

I happened to watch 2 videos. One lightened my heavy heart while the other reminded me all shall pass. What truths can I glean from these videos? I dont love myself enough. I have allowed events, speeches and anything and everything to swing my emotions very easily. I have really enjoyed chatting with him, sharing my heart out, pouring my rantings to him. To me, a listening ear is so precious and hard to find. Perhaps my age. Perhaps my occupation. I am forced to be a solo giver. I find it so hard to receive. I lost sleep last night and tried to drown myself in social media. Loneliness invaded me like thousand of knives piercing me at the same time. I prayed. I tried to plug into sermons, listening to worship songs, yet my soul refused to be comforted. I asked God, take my life away. I find life really meaningless. Being single is so tough at my age is so tough. I see children everywhere yet none is mine. The aching desire is so piercing. I texted my best friend who is married but desire a child could relate to my aching desire of having a child. I texted my cousin how can she cope loneliness during these festive seasons?

Prayers: Dear Heavenly Father, help me. I surrender my life to You. I dont know how else to pray already. I surrender my creative will to you. I dont want to ruminate about him. I know the shadow of him will slowly fade away as time trickles. Strengthen me O Lord with Your grace. Be with me, fill my aching lonely heart with Your love and mercy, in the most precious name of Jesus Christ I pray

All shall pass

I will think of texting him and tell him how I feel today

Loneliness is amplified when I am facing myself

Prayers: Dear Heavenly Father, I know You are real. Help me. Flood my heart with Your love until loneliness has no space to stay afoot in my heart. Bless me a good night sleep tonight. In the most precious name of Jesus Christ I pray

The hardest time to face my raw emotions is at night

The waves of sorrow subsided. Perhaps it is the pressure of work drowns it out. Perhaps the listening of love experts and best friends starts to kick in. I shall continue to surrender my feelings towards him to God and choose to bless him from afar.

Prayers: Dear Heavenly Father, help me. I need to remain focus and continue to work. IN the most precious name of Jesus Christ I pray  

A glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel

I regret that I contacted him on New Year's day. I lost sleep that very night. I had a rollercoaster of emotions today as well. I wrote an email in the morning to pray for him and wished him all the best. I specifically stated, friend. I dont want to be his sister anymore. I started to miss contacting him. I started to miss sharing my little daily grind to him. I miss him so so much. But this is known as sticky. Men needed personal space. I hate the way I feel. It is like I position myself in the shorter end of the stick. He also drew the line. I dont want to have anything to do with him anymore. Simply put, I was so hurt. I question myself, why do I meet undesirable relationships? 

 I began ruminating what he has written. It sucks. I am so glad that I have deleted it. I dont want to hold on any evidence to prove anything. Perhaps he is just concerned as a friend. Perhaps. God, I am hurting so so badly. I tried to walk around the supermarket to forget about him and to distract myself after work. Numbness invaded me. Sorrow followed me like a shadow. I kept on telling myself , if I ever contacted him, I will be a dog. Haha. Why is love so elusive? Why do I envy people holding hands and walking on the street? How I long for that.. How I long for companion and company. When the lessons ended, loneliness and fatigue crept in. 

Prayers: Dear Heavenly Father, I am so sorry. Help me. I want to surrender any possible feelings that I have towards him and pray for holy forgetfulness to forget him and move on in life. I need to heal and recover. I cannot afford any self inflicted wounds anymore. I still need to focus on recovering from CPTSD and 2 traumas. I cannot afford any hurts and new wounds. Stop him from contacting me anymore, close the door between me and him. I dont even want to be his friend anymore simply I dont know how to be a friend for him without developing any feelings. I dont want to feel so humbled , humiliated and embarrased anymore. Heal my heart, O Lord. I choose to bless him and I wish him all the best. Never let our paths crossed again, God. I dont want to go through this rollercoaster emotions. It is so painful and tormenting. I surrender and help me God, in the most precious name of Jesus Christ I pray

Turning my page of regret to a new page of release and moving on

I booked a ticket for Drishyam-2. I wanted to watch this, but Kanika was not here. I went alone for the movie, in theatre. It was feeling awkward in theatre. But, I enjoyed a lot.

The movie was really awesome. In 2nd half, when the suspense broke. It was completely shocked to see the kind of preparedness shown by the hero. I wanted to clap.

After the movie, I had lunch at Haldiram. I took a thali, and also took Jalebi for me. Mistakenly I bought larger portion of Jalebi. When I took that, I asked him to pack it half. But, he gave me the full box. I was not feeling comfortable to eat that big box there alone. So, I ate that in Taxi.

BTW, Kanika took the car to her home. So, I came here in Taxi. It was a good day.

And and and, after returning. I watched the Malyalam version too, with english subtitles.

Watching Drishyam was a treat

I recently took a new dedicated server. I did talk to lot of vendors. Finally, I did settle for one. It cost around 70K for an year. It was a costly one, but with dedicated one I hope to get good performance.

As soon as I get the server, within 2 days I migrated all of my websites to this. The new migration I did around my websites, really helped me quickly migration. I was feeling proud of myself. I did many things in server too, in quick succession. That gave me lot of confidence, which I needed for sure.

New dedicated server for Planndesign and other websites

I was eagerly waiting for the shutdown. I was exhausted by office-office.

Kanika also went to her home with kids. So, it was a nice time to spend time alone. Much needed.

First half went into improving Planndesign. Then, I started work for VizitSure, my new venture. 

Also, I did watch a lot of movies. I also went to watch Drishyam movie in theatre alone. It was an awesome movie.

Last 3 days were spent at in-laws house. We went to see a girl for Shivam.

I also did some deep-thinking about the future.

Adobe Shutdown 2022-23

The wave of sorrow hits me out of nowhere. Numbness soon followed. I miss him. My buddy asked me why do I like him? He has nothing under his name. I didnt even see him physically. Not even once. It is all online. She couldnt  understand. But I know what I have experienced. We share similar life experiences and spur each other on. It is so precious that we can share everything without being judged. I tell myself, he is not worth it. Not because he has no assets, but the attitude and thoughts behind his actions disappoint me tremendously. His words were like bullets piercing me whenever I ponder over it. There is no conclusive result over it. What can he do? What will he do? Nothing. Alhough my love language is words of affirmation, he indeed has filled my love tank full. But love is not sustainable without any actions. 

Perhaps I have misunderstood his intentions. Perhaps. My buddy said the episodes that I share with her reminded me of her ex husband. She asked me, am I able to support him financially? Am I able to foot every single thing under tab? Her ex husband made her pay all of furniture, housing loan and literally everything and he simply shake his leg. He betrayed her and even had a son in the midst of painful separation and eventually divorce. She does not need to share with the details of her marriage but she knows I am one step closer and closer to become her no 2. She chose to share because she does not want me to follow her footsteps.

I cried over the phone just now. I am barely coming out of the traumas and now I have fell into a pit because of replying him in messages and talking over the phone. I long for his companionship and chat. But this is insufficient in the long run. I need a godly man who is financially stable. I dont need him to earn big bucks until he lost sight of God. But I need him to bring me for meals, even hawker food is good enough for me. When he said he can cook for me , as he is unemployed. My buddy asked me am I going to foot for the ingredients of the dish? I was silent. I lost it and cried bucket of tears. I just lost everything and all I want is someone who brings me out to beaches, parks, reservoirs and have a simple meal. I dont need bags, cosmetics or any luxury goods. All I want is the attitude and thoughts of a godly man, bringing me closer to God. I bawled as I shared with her. She knew how hard I was last year. I just want to be nicer to myself. 

Prayers: Dear Heavenly Father, help me. I need sleep so badly I want days of continous sleep. I dont want to be plagued with love issues any more. Why is it so difficult to find a godly man who is financially stable and can connect with me? My heart hurts so much. God, heal my heart. I surrender that pain and him into Your hands. You take care of it. IN the most precious name of Jesus CHrist I pray

What should I do when the wave of sorrow hits?

I didnt sleep much after chatting with him. It is like a scab that was recovering so so well and out of weakness and out of loneliness, I opened his email on New Year's day. I decided to download the Hello Talk app. Gingerly, I looked through the messages that were displayed for almost a month. My heart was stirred. The last straw was that he had covid. I decided to chat and find if he is ok. Huge mistake. I shouldnt have. I soon spiralled into a state of sorrow. I emailed him to express how I feel. It was quite idiot proof that I had feelings for him and I was trying to restrain myself. I told him I cannot download the app and need to settle down my emotions. I dont want to use him as an emotional crutch and rely him so much. I received huge disappointment when I dont receive his messages and I was already straight to the point. Can you come to my country and we try to work it out? I long for his physical company but it sounds so pathetic.

At night, I decided to download the app again and I saw his single message: "I didnt know that I have caused so much stress in you." I am speechless. I call him again. He was firm and used the very words that I have penned in the email. He stated very clearly, pure friendship. Yet, if you look at the words that he has expressed for the past month, it was clear that he had feelings for me. Could I interpret his words wrongly? But tell me, why would a guy write freaking daily and express his longing and missing towards me? He is sending so confusing and misleading signals. Once again, I am hurt. Not a good start for the new year. He was asking me to put aside all the feelings and focus on healing and our so called emotions are friendship. Focus on healing. Pure friendship. He dont want to be stress out and spoils this so called pure friendship. Wow. I remained silent and soon knives of pain, confusion and anger pierced into my heart. Flashes of his longing messages tried to justify this meaningless situation. Anger soon ignited. He kept on speaking his mother tongue as if he lost it as well and want to bring the point across that I need to focus on healing and not other stuff and stress him as well.Should I have taken pictures of what he has written and ask my friends? But then again i think this action would have hurt me even deeper as I have the evidence. Anyway, I didnt do it in the end.

I told God, never will I approach him again. Even though he might email, I will not open the mail anymore. I will not make the initiative to call him via hellotalk. He cannot commit and gave his terms. 

3. Even if marriage, it is just for company. He has past the stage of sexual desires. He just want mental connection

Our last conversation seem to revolve around marriage and last night conversations as well. It is like we are playing a deck of poker cards, trying to understand each other's limits and boundaries. He also expressed that he didnt like the way I teased him and said I should not do that in front of friends. Need to give him face. But the point is how the hell can it even take place? We are in different countries, different social standings, huge income gap and there is a gulf of problems between us. He has been unemployed for 1 year and based on the environment, he is facing a huge national crisis that basically has 20% unemployment. 

He was still trying to give me emotional support, encouraging me to move on from the traumas and tragedies that I have experienced. Perhaps God has used him to speak to me. Perhaps. But at the same token, I have fallen for him and I am shutting down. I dont want to listen to his logical reasonings any more. After the call, I tried to drown myself with social media and anxiety hit me so hard that I simply cannot sleep. Once again, I have landed myself into unnecessary pain. So much pain. I hated this fuzz. I told God , help me. I dont want this messy, so called brother like relationship. So he cares for me from a brother perspective and I have mistaken his intentions? Come on, then why talk about marriage? I am so hurt. 

Dear Heavenly Father, I am so sorry. I have opened a door that should  not have open. A door that has inflicted me so much pain. A door that caused me to lose sleep. I need a regular habit of sleeping well. I pray for holy forgetfulness to forget my conversations with him last night, the messages that he has written to me. Help me to focus on You and You alone. Why God, is it so hard to find a godly man that I can simply connect? I lost hope and I rather bank my hope on You. You never fail me. I surrender this matter into Your hands. God, help me to put this matter behind my back and move on in 2023 with Your grace and mercy. I just want to heal and recover and no longer be trapped in this love stuff anymore. Help me God. IN the most precious name of Jesus Christ I pray

Once again, I allowed myself to be hurt on New Year's Day

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iu48MjczUXw

0:12those who have felt like so much time in

0:14their life has been wasted in waiting

0:17years and decades have gone past without

0:22some long-awaited areas and the Glorious

0:26I sense the Lord saying that nothing is

0:30no time has really been lost because he

0:32is now redeeming that time that has felt

0:36this year I had one of the most profound

0:38Encounters of my life where I heard the

0:43I knew he was speaking over seasons and

0:47in that moment the realization that time

0:50is but a resource to him and time bows

0:58thundering that all that had been lost

1:00stolen or hindered in the spirit he was

1:06restoration recompense and fulfillment

1:08of that which he has spoken and promised

1:14hopelessness disappointment and waiting

1:19he is making up for what many have felt

1:24more than before will explode into the

1:26lives of his people as they wait on him

1:30more will be done in his Redemption and

1:32restoration than was seemingly lost in

1:37he is doing and restoring more than ever

1:40before to those who have felt they have

1:46their life are over are about to move

1:54inheritances lost will be doubled Hearts

1:59filled with more joy and peace than ever

2:04marriages from Decades of hurt healed

2:10attacks and stealing will be turned to

2:19into one of the greatest Seasons where

Allowing prophecies to reach my wounded soul

Flashback hits me like a matchstick striking the matchbox of memories. It soon ignited the initial memory of how the scammer try to build the trust and soon a matchstick was ignited. Followed by another a matchstick. I find myself burning in past memory. When I tried to distract myself by doing household chores, the smoke lingered. Just when I took a quick break, I opened up my mom's Xmas gift. I cried. $50 NTUC vouchers. They wrote a love message and showed the practicality of their love. I lost it. Pride was embedded within me. Their gift extracted it out. I couldnt understand why they want to give it to me. I felt ashamed, embarrased and guilty. It is like I shouldnt or couldnt accept the gift. I called my close friend and bawling it out. She asked, is it so hard to receive love and gift from others? Yes. It is a humbling homework that I need to learn for all these years. I am still learning it. She explained, "No wonder your dad said that you have so much pride in you. You didnt open up when the matter happened." I hate the scammer and syndicate so much. They have robbed me. They capitalised my trust, my naive and hard earned money and turned me into a person who was so tormented. I hated myself for falling such devious scheme. I couldnt forgive myself. But if God has forgiven me, why cant I? I want to end my life for countless times, but the truth of hell lingers. My mind is like a mesh of raw emotions. I dont want to feel like a victim but I was. Why? Why me? I wish the scammers will go to hell, I wish the syndicate dead. These are honest human feelings. But I know, I have to forgive them. I have to release them back to God. It sucks. It hurts like hell. I tried social media numbing. I tried food numbing. Pain is real. It is very real.

Dear Heavenly Father, please help me. I surrender my anger, hatred, bitterness, resentment, sorrow, regret and guilt to You. I dont want to be held captive anymore. Enough is enough. Vindicate for us, the victims, the pain and anguish that we have been going through every single moment. Why should the perpertrators be getting away scot free while we are so tormented with the raw emotions? I choose to forgive them but only with Your grace. I choose to let it go and You help me. Justice needs to be rendered , O Lord. Heal my heart. Fill me with the joy of the Lord. I dont know what else to pray O Lord. Help. In the most precious name of Jesus Christ I pray

Anger coupled with pride - cocktail of depression

A drop of hatred and anger spread across my heart. I am soon poisoned with anger and hatred. Flashback of past memories hit me. Paralysed with anger, I trod around the house like an old lady. I soon shut down. My brain starts to fog. My back starts to itch. Headache starts to tap on the door of my forehead. I want to sleep and not face the memories. Signs of shutting down. 

Prayers: Dear Heavenly Father, help me. I release the hatred and anger towards those who have hurt and robbed me. I choose not to let that drop to infiltrate my heart any more. I choose to surrender that drop to You. Flood Your ocean of love, grace and mercy into my heart and completely wash out that drop. I pray for holy forgetfulness to move on, not allowing the claws of the past to cling on my back, burdening me for the rest of my life. Help me in due time, to recollect myself , surrender pieces of painful memories back to You. I pray for serenity to accept what has happened and peace for complete healing. Be with me, Holy Spirit NOW, in the most precious name of Jesus Christ I pray.

large_2022 PSLE and SA2 Primary & Secondary (9).png

medium_2022 PSLE and SA2 Primary & Secondary (9).png

small_2022 PSLE and SA2 Primary & Secondary (9).png

thumbnail_2022 PSLE and SA2 Primary & Secondary (9).png

2022 PSLE and SA2 Primary & Secondary (9).png

All it takes is a drop of hatred and anger to land in my heart

Why do I feel lonely? Do people feel lonely as well? Or is it just me alone? At the same time, I feel exceptionally weak and tired. Why do people have emotions? Does marriage solve loneliness and emptiness? Does friendship solve it? Or what exactly can solve loneliness? I longed for intimacy and companionship yet I have witnessed and experienced the aloofness, emotionally detached or cunning people. Men are scary, isnt so? Do they really want to be with you or simply want something from you? Have I judged men severely based on the traumas and experiences that I have ? Perhaps. Most likely. I want to stand at the edge of the cliff, screaming all my disappointment, anger, bitterness and resentment towards those who have inflicted so much hurt on me. I hate them. I wish them dead. But I know these feelings are unfiltered ones that need to be surrender to God.

Prayers: Dear Heavenly Father, help me. Forgive me for harbouring such intense hatred, judgment, bitterness and anger towards those who hurt me so deeply. I surrender the messy emotions to You. Only You can fill the void in my heart. Only You can take away my loneliness. I lay hold of Your promise "No man shall be able to stand before you all the days of your life. Just as I was with Moses, so I will be with you. I will not leave you nor forsake you." -Joshua 1:5.
 

I choose to forgive those who hurt me. I release them into Your hands. Vindicate for me. I bless them and You heal my heart. Glue the smithereens of my heart with Your love. Help me O Lord. Bless me a good night sleep tonight , protect my heart and mind against the condemnation spirit and spirit of death. IN the most almighty name of Jesus Christ I pray

large_2022 PSLE and SA2 Primary & Secondary (8).png

medium_2022 PSLE and SA2 Primary & Secondary (8).png

small_2022 PSLE and SA2 Primary & Secondary (8).png

thumbnail_2022 PSLE and SA2 Primary & Secondary (8).png

2022 PSLE and SA2 Primary & Secondary (8).png

Loneliness - How do you face it ? How do you handle it?

My head hurts, so does my heart. Why is there such a heart wrenching feeling that I am experiencing now? Soon, numbness invades gradually. Fatigue seems to be like waves crashing onto me as well. My mind begins to fog. God, help me.

Is it the childhood hurts and past that haunts me? Or the old and new traumas surfaced together as well? I want to to turn to my coping mechanism, food. Or should I turn to alcohol instead? I cannot cry. 

Every event seems to be like a thread weaving into the ball of memories. I wished I wasnt born. I question the existence of my being. Why? I didnt choose to be born into this world. It was my parents' selfish , lustful desires  that brought my existence. I am a mistake, am I? Premarital sex lead to halfhearted marriage, lead to mutiple affairs, lead to endless quarrels, lead to neglience of my brother and I and suddenly I stop short to expand any more. Simply put, it is a hot mess, isnt so?

I tugged gently this first thread, my existence and eventually holding it tightly. Gingerly, I pass this thread to God. 

Dear God, help me. I release the messy feelings of bitterness, anger, disappointment to You. With regards to my birthright, my existence, my appearance in this world, I can choose to fix on You. Renew my mind and thoughts.with Your words.Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. 

You send forth angels to draw a hedge of protection over me when I was in my mom's womb. I almost died as she fainted forward and she managed grab hold of a street post. I am not a mistake. You have allowed me to born and to be created for a purpose. Help me to discard that feeling of worthlessness, shame and guilt. Fill me with Your love. Show me O Lord, the grand scheme of Yours in my life. Scalding hot tears began to swell in my eyes. Perhaps the worship instrumental song? Perhaps that first thread was handed over to God. Perhaps the surrender. Tears clouded my vision. 

The infant me teared. Perhaps I wanted affirmation. I dont want to feel abandoned. I dont want to feel neglect. Perhaps all of the above. Heal my infant heart, O Lord. I long for Your embrace and tell me that everything will be fine. Help me. Flood my heart with Your love. IN the most precious name of Jesus Christ I pray 

large_2022 PSLE and SA2 Primary & Secondary (7).png

medium_2022 PSLE and SA2 Primary & Secondary (7).png

small_2022 PSLE and SA2 Primary & Secondary (7).png

thumbnail_2022 PSLE and SA2 Primary & Secondary (7).png

2022 PSLE and SA2 Primary & Secondary (7).png

When the cracks of the past suddenly appear, raw emotions seeps through my heart

large_2022 PSLE and SA2 Primary & Secondary (3).png

medium_2022 PSLE and SA2 Primary & Secondary (3).png

small_2022 PSLE and SA2 Primary & Secondary (3).png

thumbnail_2022 PSLE and SA2 Primary & Secondary (3).png

2022 PSLE and SA2 Primary & Secondary (3).png

Only surrender my raw emotions to God - Healing begins

Dear God, a surge of raw emotions crept out of nowhere as I was doing my household chores. Pain seemed like a sharp sword plunging into my chest and blood of regret, remorse, shame, guilt, anger and disappointment is seeping uncontrollably. A fog soon develops in my mind , clouding my judgment. I decided to plug on to soaking worship and pen down what I am feeling right now.  This is my first step of healing recovery journey. I am in pain, so much pain. I don't know how to make sense of this entire situation. It is as if I am like a glass box and past traumas, memories are like zombies, trying to attack me all at once.  Perhaps i need to gun every single zombie down and the city can restore its peace?  

Solution: Cry out to God. I surrender all these raw emotions to You. I don't want them. Help me. I pray for the peace of God to still and quiet my heart. May the joy of the Lord flood out these raw emotions and sustain me today, In Jesus' name. 

large_2022 PSLE and SA2 Primary & Secondary (2).png

medium_2022 PSLE and SA2 Primary & Secondary (2).png

small_2022 PSLE and SA2 Primary & Secondary (2).png

thumbnail_2022 PSLE and SA2 Primary & Secondary (2).png

2022 PSLE and SA2 Primary & Secondary (2).png

Looking deep within

large_2022 PSLE and SA2 Primary & Secondary (1).png

medium_2022 PSLE and SA2 Primary & Secondary (1).png

small_2022 PSLE and SA2 Primary & Secondary (1).png

thumbnail_2022 PSLE and SA2 Primary & Secondary (1).png

2022 PSLE and SA2 Primary & Secondary (1).png

Reclaiming my Mental Health with God

I went home, and Bhavika played this song in Alexa. And, she showed so much love to me. She sat with me, and kept hugging me. It was so heart touching. I almost cried.

Kanika told me that she played this song today, and she became fan of this. She kept playing this the whole day.

Sabse Pyara kaun hai.... Papa... Mere Papa...

She is usually very fond of doing swing. But, I used to push her on the jhula.

After dinner, 2 days back, she wanted to goto park to enjoy her swing ride. It was already around 9:30, and I wanted to go back home. I asked her to go back home. But, as usual, she denied.

I started moving towards home, and asking her to leave. Then, what I saw was something amazing. She started doing it by herself. And, she was enjoying much. She shouted to show us that she is doing it by herself. We could not ask her after seeing that.

And, she was doing pretty well, so fluent. 

I loved being parent in noticing these minor developments in kids.

Bhavika Started Doing Swing Jhula by her Own - #firsttime

https://www.lifeintext.com/journals/my-decision-to-leave

Since I've applied to another team. I was almost ready to go there. I was winding up my work, doing KTs to others.

Here in Adobe, hiring got freezed. And the position I applied for, could not be cleared. So, I'm back to current team. 

Suman informed me this, and the message was that team is happy to have you back.

I did not show any emotion, as I was getting little hint that this might happen. But, reality hit me after few days :)

Will write privately, as some people started reading this now!

My Internal Transfer Cancelled - Chaos

       二十大之前，老家的朋友讲，很多家长连小朋友的补课费都交着困难了。二十大开好，可能会渐渐躺平吧，不然没法办了。

       二十大开好了，老家封了，社区防疫的主任讲，路上不能有人！很多小区大门都封死了，有甚者还上电焊，哎。

       爷爷生病住院，医院当然是封了，轻症的病人都被赶回家去了，能不能回家要跟社区报备，让回去才能回去。

       医院的人也得吃饭啊，就一个食堂，说是排队打饭要2,3个小时。

       昨天打电话，还是叔叔给我爸和爷爷每天三顿饭送过去，今天打，饭就送不了了，家里被封了，小区说是有两个yang，院门都被封死了。

        爸去排队买饭了，说是还要等20分钟，不晓得排多久。

疫情！疫情！疫情！

       来到这，也许是平日里的忙活周而复始，像时钟一样旋转着，然而有闲停下来又不知道该做点什么，可以长久做下去且能想着去做的事情。

       写点字吧，写给自己，甚至乎遇到有相同点的人儿，不奢望吧，或者说谈不上有这个希望。