i grew up in a place without buses, or perhaps a place where i believed that the buses were not meant for me.now i meet the driver's eyes as he tells me to move to let other people pass. now i press the stop button when someone can't reach it. now i awkwardly wave someone more attractive to me toward an empty seat. now i feel more awkward when they let me have the seat.now i am surrounded by people that i don't know, people that i will probably never see again. i am lonely. i am in awe. i want to make connections but can't make the first step.

april 24th, 2025

&nbsp;<h2>Discovering the Wild Heart of Odisha: A Journey Through Its National Parks</h2>Odisha, the land of temples and tribal cultures, holds within its borders a lesser-known treasure — its rich and vibrant national parks. These sanctuaries are a haven for wildlife enthusiasts, nature lovers, photographers, and anyone looking to escape into the raw beauty of the Eastern Ghats and coastal plains. Let’s dive into the natural wonders Odisha has to offer!<h2>1. Simlipal National Park – The Crown Jewel</h2>Located in the Mayurbhanj district, Simlipal is the most prominent <a href="https://orissatours.com/wildlife-sanctuaries/">national park in Odisha</a>. Once a royal hunting ground, it now serves as a UNESCO Biosphere Reserve, spreading across 2,750 square kilometers. It’s famous for:Royal Bengal Tigers, leopards, elephantsOver 1,000 species of flowering plantsThe majestic Barehipani and Joranda waterfallsDense sal forests and grasslandsSimlipal is a paradise for eco-tourism and a must-visit if you're craving adventure mixed with biodiversity.<h2>2. Bhitarkanika National Park – India’s Mini Amazon</h2>Tucked away in the Kendrapara district, Bhitarkanika is a unique wetland ecosystem, home to:The largest population of saltwater crocodiles in IndiaRare species like the white crocodile and king cobraOver 270 species of birds, including migratory ones like the Asian openbill storkMangrove forests and tidal rivers perfect for boating safarisThis park offers a different flavor of wilderness — wild, watery, and teeming with life.<h2>3. Nandankanan Zoological Park – Where the Wild Roam Free</h2>Though not a traditional national park, Nandankanan in Bhubaneswar deserves mention. It’s a zoological-cum-botanical park with open enclosures where animals roam in natural habitats. It’s known for:White tigers, black panthers, and gharialsA large safari park and aquariumConservation breeding centersLush greenery and tranquil lakesGreat for families and school trips, Nandankanan is a gateway to wildlife education in Odisha.<h2>Best Time to Visit</h2>October to March is ideal for pleasant weather and increased chances of spotting wildlife.Avoid the monsoon (June to September) as many areas remain closed or become inaccessible.<h2>Travel Tips</h2>Carry binoculars and a camera — you will want to capture these moments.Dress in earthy tones to blend with the forest environment.Respect the sanctity of the parks: avoid littering, making loud noises, or disturbing animals.

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National Park In Odisha

&nbsp;<h2>From Chandipur to Dublagadi: A Coastal Journey Worth Taking</h2>Odisha's coastline is dotted with hidden gems, and the stretch from Chandipur to Dublagadi (Bagda Sea Beach) is one of those underrated yet unforgettable routes. Whether you're a nature lover, a beach bum, or someone looking for a peaceful escape, this coastal drive has something magical to offer.<h3>Distance &amp; Travel Time</h3>The <a href="https://orissaguide.com/bagda-sea-beach-dublagadi-balasore-odisha/">Chandipur To Dublagadi Distance</a>&nbsp;is approximately 34 to 35 kilometers. The drive takes about 45 minutes to 1 hour, depending on the traffic and the exact route you take.Most travelers opt for the Dublagadi Road, which is locally known as Bagda Sea Beach Road. It’s a smooth ride through lush greenery, with the salty breeze hinting at the sea waiting at the end.<h3>Route Highlights</h3>Chandipur-on-Sea: Famous for its vanishing sea phenomenon, where the water recedes up to 5 km during low tide—truly a one-of-a-kind experience.Rustic villages: En route, you’ll pass by quaint fishing villages and paddy fields, giving you a slice of Odisha’s rural charm.Casuarina forests: Nearing Dublagadi, dense coastal forests line the road, creating a dramatic change in scenery that feels almost cinematic.<h3>Dublagadi (Bagda Sea Beach)</h3>Once you arrive at Dublagadi, you’re greeted by a serene, less-crowded beach with soft sands and a backdrop of casuarina trees. This beach is still untouched by mass tourism, making it ideal for camping, photography, and quiet reflection. On a lucky day, you might even spot red crabs dotting the shoreline.There are eco-resorts and camping facilities available if you want to stay overnight—and trust me, watching the sunrise here is worth waking up early for.<h3>Pro Travel Tip</h3>If you’re traveling in the monsoon or post-rain, check the road conditions beforehand. While the route is generally good, rural roads can get a bit bumpy in bad weather.<h3>Final Thoughts</h3>The drive from Chandipur to Dublagadi is more than just a change in location—it’s a transition from the known to the wild, from touristy shores to hidden coastal sanctuaries. If you’re planning a trip to Odisha, don’t miss out on this beautiful short journey.

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Chandipur To Dublagadi Distance

i want to try journaling again; i haven't written a diary since i was a kid.my life is like walking through a dense forest lately. every time i walk around a tree, everything looks the same but different. everything is new and scary and exciting and good and bad, all at the same time.i want to write fanfics. i want to write journal entries. i want to learn how to write essays for a ged i'll probably fail. i want to eat. i want to sleep. i want to read books and manga and light novels. i want to kiss some guy i've only seen through a youtube video, but not in a romantic way, just in an appreciation because he's talented way. like how people kissed the hands of kings of old.i want i want i want i wanti crave companionship and money and things most normal people want. i just don't know how to get those things yet.

april 23rd, 2025

&nbsp;Discovering the Wild Heart of Odisha: National Parks You Must ExploreOdisha, nestled on the eastern coast of India, is often celebrated for its ancient temples and vibrant tribal culture. But beyond its architectural marvels and traditional festivals, Odisha also hides a thriving wilderness—home to some of India's most captivating <a href="https://orissatours.com/wildlife-sanctuaries/">odisha national park</a> and wildlife sanctuaries.Whether you're a nature enthusiast, a wildlife photographer, or just someone looking to escape into the serene embrace of the forest, Odisha’s national parks offer something magical.<h3>1. Simlipal National Park – A Royal Retreat for Tigers and Elephants</h3>Located in the Mayurbhanj district, Simlipal National Park is a UNESCO World Network of Biosphere Reserves site and arguably Odisha's most renowned wildlife sanctuary. Spanning over 2,750 square kilometers, this park is a haven for Bengal tigers, wild elephants, leopards, and gaurs.Simlipal is not just about big cats and thick sal forests—it's also home to stunning waterfalls like Barehipani and Joranda, and tribal villages that offer a glimpse into ancient lifestyles harmonized with nature.Best time to visit: November to mid-June Highlights: Jungle safaris, birdwatching, nature treks, waterfalls<h3>2. Bhitarkanika National Park – The Mangrove Mystery</h3>If Simlipal is about dense forests and tigers, Bhitarkanika is all about mangroves, estuarine crocodiles, and exotic birds. Situated in the Kendrapara district, this unique national park is India’s second-largest mangrove ecosystem, after the Sundarbans.It’s especially famous for its saltwater crocodiles—the largest of which have been recorded at over 20 feet! You can explore the area by boat, gliding through emerald waterways surrounded by mangroves, kingfishers, and monitor lizards.Best time to visit: October to March Highlights: Boat rides, crocodile sightings, migratory birds, mangrove trails<h3>3. Satkosia Tiger Reserve – Where the Mahanadi Flows Wild</h3>Cradled along the gorge formed by the Mahanadi River, Satkosia Tiger Reserve is a less explored gem. With its stunning combination of dense forests, deep valleys, and riverine ecosystems, Satkosia is perfect for eco-tourism.Although tiger sightings are rare, the park is rich in biodiversity, including leopards, sloth bears, mugger crocodiles, and many species of deer and birds. It’s also ideal for camping under the stars by the riverbank.Best time to visit: November to April Highlights: River cruises, crocodile conservation, nature camps, trekking<h3>4. Chilika Lake and Nalabana Bird Sanctuary – A Birdwatcher’s Paradise</h3>While not a national park in the strictest sense, Chilika Lake—Asia's largest brackish water lagoon—deserves mention for its extraordinary birdlife. Located in Puri, Khurda, and Ganjam districts, the lake hosts over a million migratory birds every winter, including flamingos, pelicans, and rare species like the Asiatic dowitcher.Within Chilika, Nalabana Island is designated as a bird sanctuary and is a must-visit for ornithologists and photographers alike.Best time to visit: November to February Highlights: Birdwatching, boat safaris, dolphin spotting, island hopping<h3>Final Thoughts</h3>Odisha’s national parks are still off the beaten path compared to other Indian wildlife destinations, which makes them perfect for travelers looking for raw, unfiltered nature. Whether it’s cruising through crocodile-infested mangroves, hiking in tiger territory, or watching flamingos paint the skies pink—Odisha invites you to discover its wild side.So, pack your binoculars and sense of adventure. Odisha’s wild wonders await!

Odisha National Park

Today, I saw a girl was getting beaten up by her mother. She was crying, alone. I asked her to come to me. Then a man said, his father died sometime before, and she says her father has gone to holidays.I instantly cried for you Bhavika. Remembering, I was your pillar of strength, which looked always. After going everywhere, you came to me, for support, for strength. You knew I was there for you always.Now, I'm not there. It pained me so much. Remembering you, always brought me so much tears instantly.&nbsp;I still says, I'm there for you always. These are bad times. I just wish that GOD gave your mother some budhhi that she understands that we two never had any relation but our kids needs their father too. I'm lying helpless here. But, Im fighting in court for your custody and visitation rights.&nbsp;Im far from you, but remember whenever you call me. I will near you, with you, for any kind of support.Forgive me my child, for giving this pain. Pain of separation.I love you, love you very very much.I believe in GOD, and Im sure he will help us meeting again, soon.&nbsp;

Bhavika... God will help us meet again...

It's the 1st of February. Yesterday I decided that from tomorrow I will start writing on this website and publish it online. Some days will be great, some will be sad, some will be anxious, some will be full of lessons, some will just be a letter to my past to future self, while some will be the comfort for a stranger.&nbsp;&nbsp;I write because I love it. Writing is something that I never want to stop. I hope my writing will help someone someday. I always want to understand people, how they are feeling, what is bothering them, and the things they can't express to anyone and question themselves; I don't want that.&nbsp;Because they don't deserve that. Don't worry; you will be fine, and I will post an article on this website every day :)&nbsp;

Commit to Myself 

Yesterday was my birthday. I'm 41 now.Im feeling as if I'm starting my life exactly 17 years ago. Searching for work, living a bachelor life, struggling for daily chores.&nbsp;

Im 41

I've been ahead of myself lately. I'm not always the best at things or picking the right words at the right moments and It feels like there's always an empty space and when that empty space is gone life shifts and feels better but eventually the room becomes empty again. Actually i'm use to the room being empty its been empty most my life in fact its been so empty i forgot what it felt like to not be the only one in the room anymore. Well anyways I encourage strength be strong focus make the best out of life.

Empty room

Spriha is diagnosed with dengue and she probably picked up the bug from Delhi itself. we were supposed to fly back together on 19th August, but i returned alone. It was miserable. It constatntly felt like I was leaving her behind. It could have and should have happened to me. She cant be sick, nothing bad should ever happen to her. I feel lonely without her. I hope she gets better soon, I have so many plans for her. I am going to miss being with her on her birthday. Its so sad. But I will try as much as I can to make it up to her. I love her so much.

Feels like I left her

A man who wishes to protect the women in his life…. wonderful women in his life—his mother, daughter, sister, wife or girlfriend—All are his strength and inspiration, He often feels a strong sense of responsibility to ensure their safety and well-being. This protective instinct may lead him to impose certain restrictions, such as advising them to avoid unsafe areas, be cautious about the sur oundings they are in, or take precautions when they are traveling alone. His possessiveness may stem from a deep desire to keep them safe from harm, though it's important that this does not infringe on their freedom or autonomy.His intense is to provide a secure environment where they can thrive, balancing his protective nature with respect for their independence. He expresses his love and commitment to their safety, reaffirming his lifelong promise to stand by them and protect them in every way he can.Dear Woman,You are valued, and forever guarded by the strength of those who care for you. Happy Raksha Bandhan! Stay strong and cherished, today and always.From Gentleman.

Happy Raksha Bandhan

Lately iv'e tried to to remain strong I usually do very well keeping it together but recently things haven't been the greatest. I just wish I knew how to be to not be judged or hated or what I could do for people to feel more comfortable around me. I hold my self together pretty well but truth is I don't like being looked at like i'm no good. People misjudge me all the time and call me mean things and say harsh things and everyone else seems to accept each other. I get it though it happens people are entitled to their opinions but sometimes it sucks to hear them.. I'm not A bad guy I just wish more and more people could see that but not temporarily… It would be nice to not feel like some kind of monster or burden, To be honest sometimes I imagine what it would feel like to be truly accepted to not be misjudged. The opinions don't matter I am stronger than that.. than this. I'll pull it together and push through this. I can do it, things will be alright.

Hanging in

I've been looking in the sky past the stars into the void sometimes it feels like it captures me and it's almost as if I dwell there for A little while. I live in reality but I see more than what the eye can catch always staying ahead being strong regardless of what vision is next.

Friday. Thanks God it's Friday. Okay okay. It's not like other weekdays are so hard or so awful. She lives her best life now. She is good-looking, smart, fit, and has a good job, an apartment, a car, and a small dog who she loves to the Moon and back. Okay, she doesn't have anybody who creates butterfly movement in her stomach, but still, it's much better than it could be. She came from the office happy that her coworker, who she can't stand, will be off on Monday. What is wrong with her coworker? He is arrogant and vain. She doesn't care about him, but she is more happy when he is out of the office.This weekend will be easy. She doesn't have any particular plans - the maid will come tomorrow and clean the apartment, and on Sunday she will go to the gym and out of town.It's very calm nowadays. No new people in her life. She is a little upset, but maybe because of her age, she is not worried. When she looks back she understands she could not live as before - too many clubs, too much alcohol, no sleep. Now she prefers cozy evenings at home with her small dog - Peach, who sleeps calmly on her lap instead of a club night. And it would be nice to have a nice guy nearby. She believes everything has its own time.&nbsp;

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Cozy evening. Real time

She was a strong and not confident 30-year-old woman. Why was she strong? She was 2 years old when her father was diagnosed with a spinal tumor. From age 3 she became an adult who cared for her father while her mother was working. Where cared means feeding, giving to drink, and helping to use the bathroom. Why was she not confident? Nobody has ever told her she was smart, or beautiful. Nobody cared about her. She could not blame anybody for that. Everybody was so upset and desperate about what had happened to her father that they didn’t have time to think about her and her feelings. So, in her 30th she didn’t know how to love herself. She didn’t know how to choose men who could love her. But she knew that she needed to work and to be independent. Her mom was always telling her that she needed to earn her own money. Also, her mom told her that she was not beautiful enough to marry a rich guy. So, she was a strong and not confident woman.You think her life was boring. You are wrong. Her life was much more interesting than you can imagine. When she was small, she didn't understand how bad it was that her father could move only his head. She didn't remember him healthy. So she was living her life normally, as she thought. And only on her 30th when her best friend insisted on visiting a psychologist, she understood her childhood was not normal at all.&nbsp;

Beginning

Spriha is very sad today. She was very sad yesterday also. She feels nobody likes her. She feels lonely. I think she feels lonely even when she is with me. She likes the company of other people. I believe I might get too boring for her, or even, she does not like too much of me. I won't say I get her, because I can never have enough of her. Its like, even if I spend 24 hours with her, I'd think, why didn't I spend 25. But I know people who want to socialize and be friends with other people, and that, I believe is actually normal. I am the weird one, and I had accepted that long time back. But there are a bunch of girls in our class with whom Spriha wants to be friends with, but she feels excluded from that group most of the time. She always seems sad now and more than often breaks into tears. Here is the thing: I do not know how to comfort people. She talks to her roommate, and I guess she calms her down pretty well, but it should be me right who is always taking care of her? But I never know what to say. I always end up saying that I will always be with her, and that I am always available and that I will always lover her no matter what, but I feel its not enough. Its not comforting enough. And I believe I am losing my edge in making her laugh. Only if I could do that constantly, she'd always be happy. I really really feel helpless right now. She is very sad. I have bring my bubbly smiley girl back. I hope rest of today will be better. I will try my best.

Why can't I comfort people?

Idk what's gonna happen today. But I just had the best day of my life. I have Spriha, she's a blessing. We are both in IIT Delhi. Every night after dinner, we take a walk and I drop her to her hostel. We went to the field near her hostel, and just laid on the grass, while playing Yellow. It is the best moment of my life. I have never felt this happy ever. It was difficult for me to accept new change, but moments like this give me hope to look forward to the next day.

Starting my journal: Best Day of my Life

Time has come to say good bye to Adobe.Team mates wrote some really nice words…<a href="https://www.kudoboard.com/boards/Znw9woaZ#view">https://www.kudoboard.com/boards/Znw9woaZ#view</a>&nbsp;Yesterday was my farewell… Will update more…

Bye Bye Adobe - Finally After 14 years - Farewell

&nbsp;I don't know what to do and I've asked for some kind of DIRECT sign what to do but nothing is happening for me.&nbsp;On the thoughts of religion and stuff. Well..I have always questioned if I should commit to a faith of some kind. As if I believe it will fix whatever is broken inside of me, both literally and metaphorically. I don't want to be one of those people that only turns to a religion or a deity because they're in distress, done something bad or just feeling sorry for themselves. If I'm going to do it then I want to do it right.&nbsp;&nbsp;

June 22nd 2024

I'm quickly starting to realise that nothing can really save me.&nbsp;I'm still in the same mindset as I have been for however long I've been in the mindset of not wanting to be here.&nbsp;I'm incredibly drained in a lot of aspects of life, I don't even feel like I can be a mother at this point. It's like my body is just here, doing what I have to do, answering questions, listening to what's been said but I feel like I'm so empty but it's not just with being a parent. It's interacting with everyone. It's like playing pretend except you aren't getting any joy out of it. But what is happy really? I don't know, I don't think I'll ever know.&nbsp;

June 16th 2024

I'm incredibly sad and lonely. I feel like my heart hurts and my soul hurts and that I just want to die. I'm so hurt by so much.. I feel like I'm not even here like I'm so distant from whoever or whatever I am. My mind isn't clear it feels so heavy and burdened. It's clogged up and I just want to sleep. I don't even want to eat and that's the one thing I usually do when I'm depressed but this is not my usual or normal depression, it's so much worse than that. I hate everything so much.&nbsp;

8th June 2024

Love doesn't exist outside of fiction, not for people like me. I wouldn't say I've done anything inherently bad, but I'm no saint either. I used to be a bit of a slut, when I was just a young girl, fourteen maybe. After I was raped at twelve I really didn't give two fucks about myself. I once left the front screen door unlocked a two year old I was looking after escaped her cot and went walking down the road in just a nappy. I've ghosted countless of people because I didn't want to get attached to them but also didn't have the guts to tell them I couldn't be close to them or break up with them.&nbsp;I've lied about a lot of things to people because it's made me sound interesting. Because if people knew the real me they'd realise I'm just nothing but a boring bag of trauma. I don't have hobbies, I don't have a social life, I don't have money, fame or anything else another may want in someone. I don't have family or the need for sex. Basically, I'm not particularly the ideal candidate for anyone, not to mention I'm obese and so mentally ill that I can't stand my own company.&nbsp;I spend most of my time questioning if I'm too far gone to be forgiven by a God that I'm not sure I even believe in since I'm more drawn to things like paganism or Buddhism but not enough that I can commit to either.&nbsp;Love doesn't exist outside of fiction.. especially not for people like me, because I can't even learn to love myself.&nbsp;I didn't exactly come from loving roots. A father who abandoned me, an alcoholic drug addict mother that constantly had abusive boyfriends living with us. It was always rough growing up when your mother would have food for the cats and money from drugs, alcohol and cigarettes but never enough to feed me more than boiled cabbage and whatever bottom of the barrel meat that she could get.&nbsp;She wasn't a good mother. When I made my first suicide attempt she called me stupid and smacked my head but that was all. I had been sexually abused only a few months before at aged twelve and she hadn't been there for any kind of comfort.&nbsp;Before, I mentioned that I was a liar, but my childhood and the abuse that happened as I got older too was something I never lied about, most of the time I've tried to hide it in fact because it only further concretes how fucked up I am. It's not exactly things you want to tell people because you know that they'll just look at you like some damaged "hell no" person.&nbsp;Either that or they'll use it to their advantage and manipulate you and hurt you further, as two exes of mine did. One of them took everything I had and sold it for drugs and the other was an alcoholic abusive asshole who knew just what to do and say to keep me in that situation for as long as I was useful.&nbsp;I've been misdiagnosed with different mental illnesses pretty much since I was sixteen, I am now thirty-seven and it's been confirmed between psychiatrist, therapists, counsellors and social worker that I am chronically depressed, &nbsp;have borderline personality disorder and extreme anxiety.&nbsp;I hate the term borderline personality disorder. It's just one of those things that people misinterpret. They think you're a psycho or out to intentionally hurt people. What most ignorant people don't know is that there's different types of BPD and I am the self sabotager. I'll care immensely for anyone I do have around me, love, care, respect and want to help them but myself? I wish I could kill myself. I want to hurt myself, I want to cut myself, I want the absolute worst for myself because that's what I believe I deserve.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;

5th June 2024

When you become a parent you lose sense of everything that you were and are. You become this shell of a human that can't remember what your favourite movie was, boxes of hobbies you used to have remain stacked somewhere gathering dust and you can't remember the last time you even showered without being bombarded with every question known to man as soon as you open the door.&nbsp;Unless you can afford help or have a person that's taking half the load, this is the fate of a parent. You are no longer anyone, just your child's parent and that's all. As time goes on and your child become a teenager and then an adult and suddenly you are no longer a full time parent or responsible for everything they do, say, want and need, you find yourself questioning now what? You have to rediscover yourself all over again but for people like me, for those that have decided that there is no future, you count down the days until your child can go travelling, or has their own home and family so that you can end it all. Of course it doesn't help that I'm incredibly mentally ill and have been since I was 16. As grateful as I am for my children, as much as I love them and would protect them with my last dying breath, being a parent has drained my soul. Being alone has drained my heart. Having no help, having no one has broken me and I can no longer see a future.&nbsp;

April 10 2024

now, as stupid as this question might sound.. i can't help with it.&nbsp;you know how the world is now, "overstimulated". i don't think i have to explain what overstimulation means. with all this content here and there, more then just the needs, it quite easy to get lost on them. when was the last time you enjoyed silence? or even sitting alone, not doing anything. can't remember? obviously you can't. because we all are "too busy" to even feel our heart beating.&nbsp;i think, in this overstimulated world, we are losing ourselves. now, you probably know about the hype of "self improvement". i mean, nothing bad with that but the online gurus. i don't think that in order to improve yourself you have to wake up at like 5am, spend 2 hours in the gym and all the hustle culture. it's rubbish if you ask me. because is something works for you doesn't mean that it will work the same for other person. if waking up at 5am and hitting the gym for 2 hours works for you, it might not work for me but waking up at 7am, and half an hour of yoga might do. same with everything else. if you think that mint choco is the best icecream flavour out there.... well, i do not think so, it taste like toothpaste.so coming back to the question, who are you? the one who is consistently being influenced? by media, social media, family, friends, etc. if you were to be alone somewhere where no one is but you, for like an year.. what will you do? how will you think and act. will you care about how you are looking, or what time is it or your other responsibilities as person.&nbsp;try sitting alone, into the boredom rathen them mindless scrolling. who knows if it might open more things to you that even you don't know about..&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;--the thumbnail is from a music video "spinning globe" by kenshi yonezu (give this song a try if you want)