The Bihar Election 2025 is expected to be one of the most significant political events in India, drawing nationwide attention due to the state’s complex political landscape and changing voter dynamics. As the <a href="https://mediaexpose.in/how-the-wires-weaponised-ec-narrative-falls-apart-under-scrutiny/">Bihar Election 2025 date</a> approaches, political parties have already started gearing up for high-voltage campaigns, alliances, and manifestos.This article covers everything you need to know about the Bihar Assembly Election 2025 — from tentative dates and major political players to expected alliances, voter lists, and preparation tips.Introduction: Why Bihar Election 2025 MattersBihar has always been a politically vibrant state. The Bihar Assembly Election 2025 will not only decide the next Chief Minister but also serve as a key indicator for national politics ahead of the 2029 general elections.The Bihar Election 2025 date is expected to be announced by the Election Commission of India (ECI) around August or September 2025, as the current assembly’s tenure ends in November 2025. Once the dates are released, it will mark the beginning of a massive political showdown among top leaders and parties.Bihar Election 2025 Date and Schedule&nbsp;<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKp-g41urwN2PhYz97T_URLDPa2odNSH187IRQSoRP8NVq5SPzxmDH9tJ9ohDp434kb73kFdKQFRImB5ndN8uqNzAqfkxGrElSpHkrG40Eb5JQVnZi56ysUouNd9YpT7OMyhytx9wo9kGgINicIRFl2dafR3lq2zfMWd3h4OhpOYytlC6ZSyBX5rg3Zcc/s1600/Bihar%20Election%202025%20Date.jpg"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKp-g41urwN2PhYz97T_URLDPa2odNSH187IRQSoRP8NVq5SPzxmDH9tJ9ohDp434kb73kFdKQFRImB5ndN8uqNzAqfkxGrElSpHkrG40Eb5JQVnZi56ysUouNd9YpT7OMyhytx9wo9kGgINicIRFl2dafR3lq2zfMWd3h4OhpOYytlC6ZSyBX5rg3Zcc/w640-h360/Bihar%20Election%202025%20Date.jpg" alt="Bihar Election 2025 Date"></a>&nbsp;Tentative Bihar Election 2025 DateWhile the official Bihar Election 2025 schedule has not yet been declared, it is expected that voting will take place in October or November 2025, following the pattern of previous elections.The Election Commission of India (ECI) usually announces the Bihar Assembly Election schedule about one month before polling begins.The Bihar Election 2025 date is likely to include:<ul><li>Announcement of election schedule: September 2025</li><li>Nomination process: September–October 2025</li><li>Polling dates: October–November 2025</li><li>Result declaration: Late November 2025</li></ul>This timeline could vary based on administrative and security considerations.History of Bihar Assembly ElectionsThe political history of Bihar is full of drama, transformation, and powerful leaders. The last Bihar Assembly Election (2020) was held in three phases, and the NDA alliance led by Nitish Kumar formed the government with a slim majority.Some key milestones in Bihar’s electoral history include:<ul><li>2015: Mahagathbandhan (RJD, JDU, Congress) defeated NDA.</li><li>2020: NDA (BJP, JDU, HAM, VIP) returned to power.</li><li>2022: Nitish Kumar switched alliances, joining hands again with RJD and Congress under the “Grand Alliance.”</li></ul>The 2025 Bihar Vidhan Sabha Election is expected to be even more unpredictable, with shifting loyalties and new political formations.Key Political Parties in BiharSeveral major parties will contest the Bihar Election 2025, including both national and regional players.Main Political Parties:<ul><li>Janata Dal (United) – JD(U)</li><li>Rashtriya Janata Dal (RJD)</li><li>Bharatiya Janata Party (BJP)</li><li>Indian National Congress (INC)</li><li>Hindustani Awam Morcha (HAM)</li><li>Vikassheel Insaan Party (VIP)</li><li>Left parties (CPI, CPI(M), CPI(ML))</li></ul>Each of these parties is already preparing its strategies, strengthening grassroots networks, and launching early campaigns targeting youth, women, and rural voters.Major Political Alliances Expected in 2025Bihar’s politics is known for coalition dynamics. The Bihar Election 2025 is likely to see the return of two strong fronts:<ul><li>Mahagathbandhan (Grand Alliance): RJD, JDU, Congress, and Left parties.</li><li>NDA (National Democratic Alliance): BJP, HAM, and smaller allies.</li></ul>However, there are chances of new regional parties or breakaway groups emerging, particularly if local leaders feel sidelined. The entry of smaller caste-based parties and independent candidates may also influence seat outcomes in several constituencies.Nitish Kumar’s Role and FutureNitish Kumar has been at the center of Bihar politics for over two decades. His political moves — especially switching alliances — have often reshaped the state’s leadership.In the Bihar Election 2025, Nitish faces a crucial test. Will voters trust him again, or will the RJD’s Tejashwi Yadav take the lead as a new-generation leader?Public sentiment shows that many are looking for stability, jobs, and better governance, rather than alliance politics.RJD vs NDA: The Battle for BiharThe 2025 Bihar Election is shaping up as a direct contest between RJD-led Mahagathbandhan and BJP-led NDA.<ul><li>RJD, under Tejashwi Yadav, is focusing on employment, education, and youth empowerment.</li><li>BJP plans to highlight its development work and central government schemes.</li><li>JD(U), despite alliance challenges, will project Nitish Kumar’s governance record.</li></ul>Caste equations, religious sentiments, and rural development will all play major roles in deciding the outcome.Voter Awareness and New ReformsThe Election Commission of India is expected to introduce new measures in 2025 to ensure free and fair elections in Bihar. Digital initiatives like Voter Helpline App and online registration have made the process smoother.Voter turnout in the 2020 elections was around 57%, but the goal for 2025 is to cross 65%, especially by engaging first-time voters.Opinion Polls and Predictions (as of early 2025)Although official opinion polls for Bihar Election 2025 are yet to begin, early reports suggest a tough competition between the RJD-led Grand Alliance and the BJP-led NDA.Tejashwi Yadav’s rising popularity among youth and Nitish Kumar’s declining influence could tilt the balance in unpredictable ways. However, the BJP’s organizational strength and PM Modi’s national image might counterbalance the local anti-incumbency.How to Check Your Name in Bihar Voter List 2025To vote in the Bihar Assembly Election 2025, you must ensure that your name is listed in the Bihar Voter List 2025.Steps to Check Online:<ol><li>Visit the official CEO Bihar website – https://ceobihar.nic.in/</li><li>Click on “Search in Electoral Roll.”</li><li>Enter your name, district, and other details.</li><li>View and download your voter information.</li></ol>Make sure to verify your EPIC number and polling booth details before the Bihar Election 2025 date.How to Register as a New Voter in BiharIf you’re turning 18 before October 2025, you can register online to vote.Steps to Register:<ol><li>Visit https://voterportal.eci.gov.in/</li><li>Click on “New Voter Registration (Form 6).”</li><li>Fill out the form with your Aadhaar, address proof, and photograph.</li><li>Submit and check your application status.</li></ol>Make sure to complete the registration at least one month before the Bihar Election 2025 to ensure your name appears in the final voter list.Importance of Youth and First-Time VotersThe youth vote is expected to play a decisive role in the Bihar Election 2025. Nearly 1.2 crore young voters between 18–25 years are eligible, many of whom are first-time voters.Parties are focusing on:<ul><li>Employment generation</li><li>Digital education</li><li>Agriculture reforms</li><li>Entrepreneurship and start-ups</li></ul>Tejashwi Yadav and other young leaders are trying to connect with this demographic through social media campaigns and interactive rallies.Bihar Election 2025 Results: What to ExpectIt’s too early to predict the Bihar Election 2025 results, but analysts believe that the contest will be close.<ul><li>If RJD and its allies manage to keep unity and attract youth voters, they could emerge as favorites.</li><li>If NDA campaigns effectively on central welfare schemes, it may retain a strong base.</li></ul>The outcome will depend on voter turnout, rural participation, and caste balance in key constituencies like Patna, Gaya, Muzaffarpur, and Bhagalpur.FAQs on Bihar Election 20251. What is the expected Bihar Election 2025 date?The Bihar Election 2025 date is expected in October or November 2025, with results likely in late November.2. Who is the current Chief Minister of Bihar?As of now, Nitish Kumar is the Chief Minister of Bihar.3. How many seats are there in the Bihar Assembly?There are 243 seats in the Bihar Vidhan Sabha.4. Which party won the last Bihar election?In 2020, the NDA alliance (BJP + JD(U)) formed the government.5. How can I vote in Bihar Election 2025?You can vote by ensuring your name is in the voter list and carrying your EPIC (voter ID) to the polling booth.6. What are the main parties in Bihar 2025 elections?The key players are RJD, JD(U), BJP, Congress, and Left parties.7. Who is the likely CM candidate from RJD?Tejashwi Yadav is expected to lead the RJD as the CM face.8. How can I check my polling booth location?Use the Voter Helpline App or visit https://eci.gov.in/ for details.9. What issues will dominate Bihar Election 2025?Employment, education, roads, healthcare, and corruption will be the main issues.10. When will the results of Bihar Election 2025 be declared?The Bihar Election 2025 results are expected by late November 2025.Conclusion: The Road Ahead for Bihar PoliticsThe Bihar Election 2025 promises to be a defining moment in the state’s political journey. As voters prepare to elect their next government, key themes such as development, employment, and governance will dominate the public debate.The Bihar Election 2025 date will soon be officially announced, setting the stage for an intense political battle. Whether Bihar chooses continuity or change will depend on how well leaders connect with the real concerns of its people — from villages to cities, from youth to farmers.Whatever the outcome, one thing is certain: Bihar’s political story will continue to shape India’s democratic future.

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Bihar Election 2025 Date: Complete Details, Schedule and Political Overview

The world of number-based lotteries and games like Satta King has long captured the attention of a wide audience. For those who participate in these activities, the single most critical element is access to the fastest, most accurate, and most reliable results. In the modern digital era, a dedicated <a href="https://sattaking.in/">sattaking website</a> serves as the primary hub for this information.A quality online platform transforms the experience of tracking various markets. Instead of relying on traditional, often delayed, methods, participants can instantly check the Satta King result for major segments like Gali, Disawar, Faridabad, and Ghaziabad. Our platform, <a href="https://sattaking.in/">https://sattaking.in/</a>, is designed specifically to meet this demand, providing a professional and streamlined service for accessing all the necessary data in one place. This detailed guide will walk you through what to look for in a top-tier platform and how to maximize your benefit from a comprehensive satta king website.<h3>The Importance of Speed and Accuracy in Satta King Results</h3>The moment a draw is completed, the demand for the Satta King result skyrockets. Seconds matter, as quick access to the correct number is essential for both participants and analysts.<h4>Why a Fast Satta King Website is Non-Negotiable</h4>Delay in posting a result can lead to confusion and incorrect assumptions. A professional satta king website prioritizes near-instantaneous updates. For games like Gali Satta and the highly anticipated Disawar result, the official announcement time is crucial. Platforms that integrate real-time data feeds ensure that you are always among the first to know the winning number, giving you peace of mind and the ability to track your luck without unnecessary wait times.A slow or unreliable site can create frustration, particularly for late-night or early-morning markets. By using a specialized site like <a href="https://sattaking.in/">https://sattaking.in/</a>, users are guaranteed a smooth and rapid delivery of all daily market outcomes.<h4>Verifying the Authenticity of the Satta King Result</h4>Accuracy is paramount. Given the sheer volume of websites online, identifying a genuinely reliable source is a challenge. A trustworthy satta king website commits to posting only verified results. This transparency builds user trust and establishes the platform as an authority in the field. When checking a Satta King result, always ensure the website clearly states its data sourcing and update mechanisms. This professionalism is a key differentiator in the competitive online market.<h3>Comprehensive Data and Tools: Beyond the Daily Result</h3>&nbsp;<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWrt9F8bldXATHkJx7W-dxo1iWzKb0iIrwzje4yOT-likhoi_Wb8O0KevW82K8ifkDw_HZqNpEO4xO4Bz_J1Y_wiDDAF789J5i1ctI9iyxchUcjoELHEBcmKnknCdu8xqpkXrvd5x6qqvadLzDRRzp9IN6dD_K8JnnkZQ03wjsdmOvl7XH6jdqz6DOSMVQ/s1346/Satta%20King%20Website.png"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWrt9F8bldXATHkJx7W-dxo1iWzKb0iIrwzje4yOT-likhoi_Wb8O0KevW82K8ifkDw_HZqNpEO4xO4Bz_J1Y_wiDDAF789J5i1ctI9iyxchUcjoELHEBcmKnknCdu8xqpkXrvd5x6qqvadLzDRRzp9IN6dD_K8JnnkZQ03wjsdmOvl7XH6jdqz6DOSMVQ/w640-h260/Satta%20King%20Website.png" alt="Satta King Website"></a>&nbsp;A leading satta king website offers more than just the current day's number; it provides a suite of tools for analysis and historical tracking.<h4>The Value of the Satta King Record Chart</h4>One of the most utilized tools by seasoned participants is the <a href="https://sattaking.in/">Satta King record chart</a>. 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A top satta king website like ours acts as a single point of reference for all major market results.·&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Disawar: Known for its early morning result time.·&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Gali Satta: Typically announced late at night, often attracting a large number of viewers.·&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Faridabad &amp; Ghaziabad: Results for these markets usually fall in the late afternoon and evening, rounding out the daily cycle.Having all these results neatly organized and updated promptly on a single, responsive satta king website ensures users never have to search multiple places.<h3>Choosing a Professional and Safe Satta King Online Platform</h3>When dealing with online information related to number games, safety and professionalism should be your top priority. The shift to a digital format has made "Satta King online" a common search term, but it also increases the need for caution.<h4>Hallmarks of a Trustworthy Satta King Website</h4>1.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Professional Design and Usability: A cluttered, unprofessional site often suggests a lack of investment and reliability. A clean, mobile-responsive design, like the one found at https://sattaking.in/, indicates a commitment to user experience.2.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Consistency in Updates: Reliability isn't just about speed; it's about consistency. A trusted source will post the Satta King result at the same time every day without fail.3.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Security and Privacy: While result checking doesn't involve transactions, a professional site maintains user privacy and uses secure protocols (HTTPS) to protect visitor data and create a safe browsing environment.<h4>Responsible Use of Satta King Information</h4>It is crucial to approach all forms of number-based speculation responsibly. A dedicated satta king website is a tool for information delivery, not a guaranteed path to wealth. Participants should view this as an entertainment-based activity and only track results with an understanding of the inherent risks involved. 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By consistently prioritizing speed, accuracy, and professional presentation, a website can solidify its position as the premier source for all Satta King online information.<h3>Conclusion: Your Essential Partner in Satta King Information</h3>For anyone who follows the Satta King markets, having a single, reliable, and high-speed resource is essential. A professional satta king website like https://sattaking.in/&nbsp;provides the necessary infrastructure—from real-time result updates for Gali Satta and the Disawar result to the historical depth of the Satta King record chart.By choosing a trusted platform, you ensure that your focus remains on tracking the numbers and analyzing the data, rather than worrying about the reliability of the source. Use this guide to navigate the digital world of Satta King online results responsibly and professionally.<h3>Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)</h3>Q1: What is the main benefit of using a dedicated satta king website like <a href="https://sattaking.in/">https://sattaking.in/</a>A: The main benefit is receiving the fastest, most accurate, and most reliable daily Satta King result for all major markets (Gali, Disawar, etc.) in a single, well-organized location, along with access to a comprehensive Satta King record chart.Q2: How quickly are the results updated on a reliable platform?A: On a top-tier satta king website, the results are typically updated almost instantaneously after the official announcement time, often making it the fastest source for the Satta King result online.Q3: Does the website provide results for all major markets like Disawar and Gali?A: Yes, a comprehensive satta king website will provide daily updates for all key markets, including the highly popular Disawar result and Gali Satta outcome, along with Faridabad and Ghaziabad.Q4: What is the Satta King record chart used for?A: The Satta King record chart is a historical archive of all past winning numbers. It is primarily used by participants for trend analysis, pattern identification, and to inform their future predictions based on historical data.Q5: Is Satta King played "online"?A: The tracking and checking of the Satta King result is done online via a satta king website. The game itself is based on number selection and outcomes announced at specific times.Q6: What is the typical timing for the Disawar result?A: The Disawar result is traditionally one of the earliest results of the day, typically announced in the very early morning hours.Q7: How can I verify the accuracy of a Satta King result?A: A trustworthy satta king website like ours sources its information from verified channels. You can check the consistency of the result across multiple professional and established platforms to ensure its authenticity.Q8: Does a good Satta King website offer prediction numbers?A: Many platforms offer number predictions based on statistical analysis and historical data from the Satta King record chart. These are offered for informational and entertainment value, and users should exercise caution and judgment.Q9: Is Satta Matka the same as Satta King?A: Satta King is a modern evolution and regional variation of the original Satta Matka game. Both are based on number selection, but the modern Satta King markets (like Gali and Disawar) often have different rules and result times than the traditional Matka markets (like Kalyan).

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Your Trusted Source for Satta King Results: Utilizing a Reliable Satta King Website

HiIt's 19th September. Life has been changed so much, but I never knew this much. My CPU has been stuck for the last 17 days, and I have felt so, so, so helpless. I have millions of questions in my mind. I am not even asking anyone because I know no one can really answer it. Or maybe I don't want an answer.&nbsp;Why?&nbsp;Why do I fall in love too soon? As soon as someone understands a bit of me, I feel emotional attraction towards them. I do everything for that person, but on the other hand, they don't really know what I am feeling for them. Why is it always like they are in friendship and I am in love? I don't want this; I don't want to fall; I don't want my life forever as a giver of everything. Just for once, I also want to become a poem rather than a poet, but I know I can't. All I am asking in this life from everyone is that they “be who they are around me,” and still I don't know. Why people can't be who they are around me? I know I am not loved, but don't worry, pretty soul; I never want you to feel this. I feel so strange and worthless when people act different around me. Like, am I that wrong or unsafe a person?Finally, after 20 years of my life, I have accepted and believed that I can never be truly loved by anyone. Everyone is here to heal themselves; no one is going to be willing to do everything for me.&nbsp;I give up on love. I give up on finding love because that doesn't really exist for me. I was here, am here, and will be here just to heal, listen, and support but never to feel loved. Maybe I am here to fight, to earn, to be famous, or to create.&nbsp;If you are reading this, I hope you never feel this way and soon find your person. I wish God would heal you from everything that you are even afraid to tell anyone.- Devangi

Forever unloved

i can't help but wonder what others see when they look at me. do they see someone confidant or scared? happy or sad? crumbling or strong? both or neither or all at once? is my fear noticable? are my worries and stress written on my face? can they see how much i crave the social contact but shy away from it at the same time? do they pity me?&nbsp;&nbsp;i don't want something to grow from pity. i want a real connection but i fear that their fondness toward me is like a wet cat or a stray dog, not a genuine human connection.

june 3rd, 2025

Today, I got this table from my landlord. Earlier, he gave me his chair too.&nbsp;I've been craving for a bigger table for my laptop, where i can stretch my both hands. But, I had a very small table with me. Whose depth was very small, just enough to cover laptop.&nbsp;I've been saving money on smaller things. I earned a lot, but struggling for these basic things.&nbsp;

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Got  bigger table | Happiness in small items | Hardship

i want to try journaling again; i haven't written a diary since i was a kid.my life is like walking through a dense forest lately. every time i walk around a tree, everything looks the same but different. everything is new and scary and exciting and good and bad, all at the same time.i want to write fanfics. i want to write journal entries. i want to learn how to write essays for a ged i'll probably fail. i want to eat. i want to sleep. i want to read books and manga and light novels. i want to kiss some guy i've only seen through a youtube video, but not in a romantic way, just in an appreciation because he's talented way. like how people kissed the hands of kings of old.i want i want i want i wanti crave companionship and money and things most normal people want. i just don't know how to get those things yet.

april 23rd, 2025

It's the 1st of February. Yesterday I decided that from tomorrow I will start writing on this website and publish it online. Some days will be great, some will be sad, some will be anxious, some will be full of lessons, some will just be a letter to my past to future self, while some will be the comfort for a stranger.&nbsp;&nbsp;I write because I love it. Writing is something that I never want to stop. I hope my writing will help someone someday. I always want to understand people, how they are feeling, what is bothering them, and the things they can't express to anyone and question themselves; I don't want that.&nbsp;Because they don't deserve that. Don't worry; you will be fine, and I will post an article on this website every day :)&nbsp;

Commit to Myself 

Yesterday was my birthday. I'm 41 now.Im feeling as if I'm starting my life exactly 17 years ago. Searching for work, living a bachelor life, struggling for daily chores.&nbsp;

Im 41

I've been ahead of myself lately. I'm not always the best at things or picking the right words at the right moments and It feels like there's always an empty space and when that empty space is gone life shifts and feels better but eventually the room becomes empty again. Actually i'm use to the room being empty its been empty most my life in fact its been so empty i forgot what it felt like to not be the only one in the room anymore. Well anyways I encourage strength be strong focus make the best out of life.

Empty room

Spriha is diagnosed with dengue and she probably picked up the bug from Delhi itself. we were supposed to fly back together on 19th August, but i returned alone. It was miserable. It constatntly felt like I was leaving her behind. It could have and should have happened to me. She cant be sick, nothing bad should ever happen to her. I feel lonely without her. I hope she gets better soon, I have so many plans for her. I am going to miss being with her on her birthday. Its so sad. But I will try as much as I can to make it up to her. I love her so much.

Feels like I left her

A man who wishes to protect the women in his life…. wonderful women in his life—his mother, daughter, sister, wife or girlfriend—All are his strength and inspiration, He often feels a strong sense of responsibility to ensure their safety and well-being. This protective instinct may lead him to impose certain restrictions, such as advising them to avoid unsafe areas, be cautious about the sur oundings they are in, or take precautions when they are traveling alone. His possessiveness may stem from a deep desire to keep them safe from harm, though it's important that this does not infringe on their freedom or autonomy.His intense is to provide a secure environment where they can thrive, balancing his protective nature with respect for their independence. He expresses his love and commitment to their safety, reaffirming his lifelong promise to stand by them and protect them in every way he can.Dear Woman,You are valued, and forever guarded by the strength of those who care for you. Happy Raksha Bandhan! Stay strong and cherished, today and always.From Gentleman.

Happy Raksha Bandhan

Lately iv'e tried to to remain strong I usually do very well keeping it together but recently things haven't been the greatest. I just wish I knew how to be to not be judged or hated or what I could do for people to feel more comfortable around me. I hold my self together pretty well but truth is I don't like being looked at like i'm no good. People misjudge me all the time and call me mean things and say harsh things and everyone else seems to accept each other. I get it though it happens people are entitled to their opinions but sometimes it sucks to hear them.. I'm not A bad guy I just wish more and more people could see that but not temporarily… It would be nice to not feel like some kind of monster or burden, To be honest sometimes I imagine what it would feel like to be truly accepted to not be misjudged. The opinions don't matter I am stronger than that.. than this. I'll pull it together and push through this. I can do it, things will be alright.

Hanging in

I've been looking in the sky past the stars into the void sometimes it feels like it captures me and it's almost as if I dwell there for A little while. I live in reality but I see more than what the eye can catch always staying ahead being strong regardless of what vision is next.

Friday. Thanks God it's Friday. Okay okay. It's not like other weekdays are so hard or so awful. She lives her best life now. She is good-looking, smart, fit, and has a good job, an apartment, a car, and a small dog who she loves to the Moon and back. Okay, she doesn't have anybody who creates butterfly movement in her stomach, but still, it's much better than it could be. She came from the office happy that her coworker, who she can't stand, will be off on Monday. What is wrong with her coworker? He is arrogant and vain. She doesn't care about him, but she is more happy when he is out of the office.This weekend will be easy. She doesn't have any particular plans - the maid will come tomorrow and clean the apartment, and on Sunday she will go to the gym and out of town.It's very calm nowadays. No new people in her life. She is a little upset, but maybe because of her age, she is not worried. When she looks back she understands she could not live as before - too many clubs, too much alcohol, no sleep. Now she prefers cozy evenings at home with her small dog - Peach, who sleeps calmly on her lap instead of a club night. And it would be nice to have a nice guy nearby. She believes everything has its own time.&nbsp;

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Cozy evening. Real time

She was a strong and not confident 30-year-old woman. Why was she strong? She was 2 years old when her father was diagnosed with a spinal tumor. From age 3 she became an adult who cared for her father while her mother was working. Where cared means feeding, giving to drink, and helping to use the bathroom. Why was she not confident? Nobody has ever told her she was smart, or beautiful. Nobody cared about her. She could not blame anybody for that. Everybody was so upset and desperate about what had happened to her father that they didn’t have time to think about her and her feelings. So, in her 30th she didn’t know how to love herself. She didn’t know how to choose men who could love her. But she knew that she needed to work and to be independent. Her mom was always telling her that she needed to earn her own money. Also, her mom told her that she was not beautiful enough to marry a rich guy. So, she was a strong and not confident woman.You think her life was boring. You are wrong. Her life was much more interesting than you can imagine. When she was small, she didn't understand how bad it was that her father could move only his head. She didn't remember him healthy. So she was living her life normally, as she thought. And only on her 30th when her best friend insisted on visiting a psychologist, she understood her childhood was not normal at all.&nbsp;

Beginning

Spriha is very sad today. She was very sad yesterday also. She feels nobody likes her. She feels lonely. I think she feels lonely even when she is with me. She likes the company of other people. I believe I might get too boring for her, or even, she does not like too much of me. I won't say I get her, because I can never have enough of her. Its like, even if I spend 24 hours with her, I'd think, why didn't I spend 25. But I know people who want to socialize and be friends with other people, and that, I believe is actually normal. I am the weird one, and I had accepted that long time back. But there are a bunch of girls in our class with whom Spriha wants to be friends with, but she feels excluded from that group most of the time. She always seems sad now and more than often breaks into tears. Here is the thing: I do not know how to comfort people. She talks to her roommate, and I guess she calms her down pretty well, but it should be me right who is always taking care of her? But I never know what to say. I always end up saying that I will always be with her, and that I am always available and that I will always lover her no matter what, but I feel its not enough. Its not comforting enough. And I believe I am losing my edge in making her laugh. Only if I could do that constantly, she'd always be happy. I really really feel helpless right now. She is very sad. I have bring my bubbly smiley girl back. I hope rest of today will be better. I will try my best.

Why can't I comfort people?

Idk what's gonna happen today. But I just had the best day of my life. I have Spriha, she's a blessing. We are both in IIT Delhi. Every night after dinner, we take a walk and I drop her to her hostel. We went to the field near her hostel, and just laid on the grass, while playing Yellow. It is the best moment of my life. I have never felt this happy ever. It was difficult for me to accept new change, but moments like this give me hope to look forward to the next day.

Starting my journal: Best Day of my Life

Time has come to say good bye to Adobe.Team mates wrote some really nice words…<a href="https://www.kudoboard.com/boards/Znw9woaZ#view">https://www.kudoboard.com/boards/Znw9woaZ#view</a>&nbsp;Yesterday was my farewell… Will update more…

Bye Bye Adobe - Finally After 14 years - Farewell

&nbsp;I don't know what to do and I've asked for some kind of DIRECT sign what to do but nothing is happening for me.&nbsp;On the thoughts of religion and stuff. Well..I have always questioned if I should commit to a faith of some kind. As if I believe it will fix whatever is broken inside of me, both literally and metaphorically. I don't want to be one of those people that only turns to a religion or a deity because they're in distress, done something bad or just feeling sorry for themselves. If I'm going to do it then I want to do it right.&nbsp;&nbsp;

June 22nd 2024

I'm quickly starting to realise that nothing can really save me.&nbsp;I'm still in the same mindset as I have been for however long I've been in the mindset of not wanting to be here.&nbsp;I'm incredibly drained in a lot of aspects of life, I don't even feel like I can be a mother at this point. It's like my body is just here, doing what I have to do, answering questions, listening to what's been said but I feel like I'm so empty but it's not just with being a parent. It's interacting with everyone. It's like playing pretend except you aren't getting any joy out of it. But what is happy really? I don't know, I don't think I'll ever know.&nbsp;

June 16th 2024

I'm incredibly sad and lonely. I feel like my heart hurts and my soul hurts and that I just want to die. I'm so hurt by so much.. I feel like I'm not even here like I'm so distant from whoever or whatever I am. My mind isn't clear it feels so heavy and burdened. It's clogged up and I just want to sleep. I don't even want to eat and that's the one thing I usually do when I'm depressed but this is not my usual or normal depression, it's so much worse than that. I hate everything so much.&nbsp;

8th June 2024

Love doesn't exist outside of fiction, not for people like me. I wouldn't say I've done anything inherently bad, but I'm no saint either. I used to be a bit of a slut, when I was just a young girl, fourteen maybe. After I was raped at twelve I really didn't give two fucks about myself. I once left the front screen door unlocked a two year old I was looking after escaped her cot and went walking down the road in just a nappy. I've ghosted countless of people because I didn't want to get attached to them but also didn't have the guts to tell them I couldn't be close to them or break up with them.&nbsp;I've lied about a lot of things to people because it's made me sound interesting. Because if people knew the real me they'd realise I'm just nothing but a boring bag of trauma. I don't have hobbies, I don't have a social life, I don't have money, fame or anything else another may want in someone. I don't have family or the need for sex. Basically, I'm not particularly the ideal candidate for anyone, not to mention I'm obese and so mentally ill that I can't stand my own company.&nbsp;I spend most of my time questioning if I'm too far gone to be forgiven by a God that I'm not sure I even believe in since I'm more drawn to things like paganism or Buddhism but not enough that I can commit to either.&nbsp;Love doesn't exist outside of fiction.. especially not for people like me, because I can't even learn to love myself.&nbsp;I didn't exactly come from loving roots. A father who abandoned me, an alcoholic drug addict mother that constantly had abusive boyfriends living with us. It was always rough growing up when your mother would have food for the cats and money from drugs, alcohol and cigarettes but never enough to feed me more than boiled cabbage and whatever bottom of the barrel meat that she could get.&nbsp;She wasn't a good mother. When I made my first suicide attempt she called me stupid and smacked my head but that was all. I had been sexually abused only a few months before at aged twelve and she hadn't been there for any kind of comfort.&nbsp;Before, I mentioned that I was a liar, but my childhood and the abuse that happened as I got older too was something I never lied about, most of the time I've tried to hide it in fact because it only further concretes how fucked up I am. It's not exactly things you want to tell people because you know that they'll just look at you like some damaged "hell no" person.&nbsp;Either that or they'll use it to their advantage and manipulate you and hurt you further, as two exes of mine did. One of them took everything I had and sold it for drugs and the other was an alcoholic abusive asshole who knew just what to do and say to keep me in that situation for as long as I was useful.&nbsp;I've been misdiagnosed with different mental illnesses pretty much since I was sixteen, I am now thirty-seven and it's been confirmed between psychiatrist, therapists, counsellors and social worker that I am chronically depressed, &nbsp;have borderline personality disorder and extreme anxiety.&nbsp;I hate the term borderline personality disorder. It's just one of those things that people misinterpret. They think you're a psycho or out to intentionally hurt people. What most ignorant people don't know is that there's different types of BPD and I am the self sabotager. I'll care immensely for anyone I do have around me, love, care, respect and want to help them but myself? I wish I could kill myself. I want to hurt myself, I want to cut myself, I want the absolute worst for myself because that's what I believe I deserve.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;

5th June 2024

When you become a parent you lose sense of everything that you were and are. You become this shell of a human that can't remember what your favourite movie was, boxes of hobbies you used to have remain stacked somewhere gathering dust and you can't remember the last time you even showered without being bombarded with every question known to man as soon as you open the door.&nbsp;Unless you can afford help or have a person that's taking half the load, this is the fate of a parent. You are no longer anyone, just your child's parent and that's all. As time goes on and your child become a teenager and then an adult and suddenly you are no longer a full time parent or responsible for everything they do, say, want and need, you find yourself questioning now what? You have to rediscover yourself all over again but for people like me, for those that have decided that there is no future, you count down the days until your child can go travelling, or has their own home and family so that you can end it all. Of course it doesn't help that I'm incredibly mentally ill and have been since I was 16. As grateful as I am for my children, as much as I love them and would protect them with my last dying breath, being a parent has drained my soul. Being alone has drained my heart. Having no help, having no one has broken me and I can no longer see a future.&nbsp;

April 10 2024

now, as stupid as this question might sound.. i can't help with it.&nbsp;you know how the world is now, "overstimulated". i don't think i have to explain what overstimulation means. with all this content here and there, more then just the needs, it quite easy to get lost on them. when was the last time you enjoyed silence? or even sitting alone, not doing anything. can't remember? obviously you can't. because we all are "too busy" to even feel our heart beating.&nbsp;i think, in this overstimulated world, we are losing ourselves. now, you probably know about the hype of "self improvement". i mean, nothing bad with that but the online gurus. i don't think that in order to improve yourself you have to wake up at like 5am, spend 2 hours in the gym and all the hustle culture. it's rubbish if you ask me. because is something works for you doesn't mean that it will work the same for other person. if waking up at 5am and hitting the gym for 2 hours works for you, it might not work for me but waking up at 7am, and half an hour of yoga might do. same with everything else. if you think that mint choco is the best icecream flavour out there.... well, i do not think so, it taste like toothpaste.so coming back to the question, who are you? the one who is consistently being influenced? by media, social media, family, friends, etc. if you were to be alone somewhere where no one is but you, for like an year.. what will you do? how will you think and act. will you care about how you are looking, or what time is it or your other responsibilities as person.&nbsp;try sitting alone, into the boredom rathen them mindless scrolling. who knows if it might open more things to you that even you don't know about..&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;--the thumbnail is from a music video "spinning globe" by kenshi yonezu (give this song a try if you want)