Today, I got this table from my landlord. Earlier, he gave me his chair too.&nbsp;I've been craving for a bigger table for my laptop, where i can stretch my both hands. But, I had a very small table with me. Whose depth was very small, just enough to cover laptop.&nbsp;I've been saving money on smaller things. I earned a lot, but struggling for these basic things.&nbsp;

thumbnail_WhatsApp Image 2025-05-06 at 12.11.54.png

WhatsApp Image 2025-05-06 at 12.11.54.png

Got  bigger table | Happiness in small items | Hardship

Yesterday was my birthday. I'm 41 now.Im feeling as if I'm starting my life exactly 17 years ago. Searching for work, living a bachelor life, struggling for daily chores.&nbsp;

Im 41

Time has come to say good bye to Adobe.Team mates wrote some really nice words…<a href="https://www.kudoboard.com/boards/Znw9woaZ#view">https://www.kudoboard.com/boards/Znw9woaZ#view</a>&nbsp;Yesterday was my farewell… Will update more…

Bye Bye Adobe - Finally After 14 years - Farewell

Either you don't invite people to your functions, or if you are inviting people, then invite them well.

I have encountered many situations where its kind of problematic situation whether to go or not. The other person has not invited well.

So, the person is Raman, a distant relative. I don't even has his mobile number in my phone. There is a marriage function of his son. He invited my brother well, who lives in other city. Now, he is coming in Noida, and asked if he invited you. 

That person sent me a whatsapp message, which contains only a pdf. No Hi/hello, No other message. The person has not even his profile photo in whatsapp. I generally ignored these kind of messages. And, I ignored it.

My brother asked, whether you got the card. I said no. I checked, that. invitation was his. I also did not even reply, as if I would reply he might put a message to come. 

But, this is very bad practice of inviting people like this.

A well invited invitation means, at least you call the invitee, and asked him/her to come. What do you mean by a whatsapp message. You are completing your duty, so that when someone asked you did not invite, you will say I have invited. WTF.

I got a call few days back in evening. It was not hearable at all. I could recognise him, and said Namastay. I said repeatedly, your voice is not coming. He simply cut the call, and did not call. I waited for his call.

OK, next morning, I called him back at around 11. He said, bete ki saai hai. I said, Many congrats. And, he again cut the call.

He never said a single time, that you are invited or you have to come. How can someone go like this. 

An Uninvited Invitation

Although, this is my hobby project, and I'm thinking of going ahead in this.

Today, I bought another name: lifeinreel.com

I have some ideas in this space. Lets see.

Lifeintext Next - Life in Pics/Videos

Today, I called to Ali, plumber for fixing something at house. A lady picked up the phone, and asked for confirmation.

She was about to cry, she said, unka to intkal ho gaya (He is dead). I was shocked, I asked how. It was an accident. I could not say anything to her. After few seconds pause, I just said acha! Cut the call. Shocked! Life is so unpredictable.

Plumber Ali is no more

I booked a ticket for Drishyam-2. I wanted to watch this, but Kanika was not here. I went alone for the movie, in theatre. It was feeling awkward in theatre. But, I enjoyed a lot.

The movie was really awesome. In 2nd half, when the suspense broke. It was completely shocked to see the kind of preparedness shown by the hero. I wanted to clap.

After the movie, I had lunch at Haldiram. I took a thali, and also took Jalebi for me. Mistakenly I bought larger portion of Jalebi. When I took that, I asked him to pack it half. But, he gave me the full box. I was not feeling comfortable to eat that big box there alone. So, I ate that in Taxi.

BTW, Kanika took the car to her home. So, I came here in Taxi. It was a good day.

And and and, after returning. I watched the Malyalam version too, with english subtitles.

Watching Drishyam was a treat

I recently took a new dedicated server. I did talk to lot of vendors. Finally, I did settle for one. It cost around 70K for an year. It was a costly one, but with dedicated one I hope to get good performance.

As soon as I get the server, within 2 days I migrated all of my websites to this. The new migration I did around my websites, really helped me quickly migration. I was feeling proud of myself. I did many things in server too, in quick succession. That gave me lot of confidence, which I needed for sure.

New dedicated server for Planndesign and other websites

I went home, and Bhavika played this song in Alexa. And, she showed so much love to me. She sat with me, and kept hugging me. It was so heart touching. I almost cried.She kept playing this the whole day.

Sabse Pyara kaun hai.... Papa... Mere Papa...

She is usually very fond of doing swing. But, I used to push her on the jhula.

After dinner, 2 days back, she wanted to goto park to enjoy her swing ride. It was already around 9:30, and I wanted to go back home. I asked her to go back home. But, as usual, she denied.

I started moving towards home, and asking her to leave. Then, what I saw was something amazing. She started doing it by herself. And, she was enjoying much. She shouted to show us that she is doing it by herself. We could not ask her after seeing that.

And, she was doing pretty well, so fluent. 

I loved being parent in noticing these minor developments in kids.

Bhavika Started Doing Swing Jhula by her Own - #firsttime

HiIt's 19th September. Life has been changed so much, but I never knew this much. My CPU has been stuck for the last 17 days, and I have felt so, so, so helpless. I have millions of questions in my mind. I am not even asking anyone because I know no one can really answer it. Or maybe I don't want an answer.&nbsp;Why?&nbsp;Why do I fall in love too soon? As soon as someone understands a bit of me, I feel emotional attraction towards them. I do everything for that person, but on the other hand, they don't really know what I am feeling for them. Why is it always like they are in friendship and I am in love? I don't want this; I don't want to fall; I don't want my life forever as a giver of everything. Just for once, I also want to become a poem rather than a poet, but I know I can't. All I am asking in this life from everyone is that they “be who they are around me,” and still I don't know. Why people can't be who they are around me? I know I am not loved, but don't worry, pretty soul; I never want you to feel this. I feel so strange and worthless when people act different around me. Like, am I that wrong or unsafe a person?Finally, after 20 years of my life, I have accepted and believed that I can never be truly loved by anyone. Everyone is here to heal themselves; no one is going to be willing to do everything for me.&nbsp;I give up on love. I give up on finding love because that doesn't really exist for me. I was here, am here, and will be here just to heal, listen, and support but never to feel loved. Maybe I am here to fight, to earn, to be famous, or to create.&nbsp;If you are reading this, I hope you never feel this way and soon find your person. I wish God would heal you from everything that you are even afraid to tell anyone.- Devangi

Forever unloved

i can't help but wonder what others see when they look at me. do they see someone confidant or scared? happy or sad? crumbling or strong? both or neither or all at once? is my fear noticable? are my worries and stress written on my face? can they see how much i crave the social contact but shy away from it at the same time? do they pity me?&nbsp;&nbsp;i don't want something to grow from pity. i want a real connection but i fear that their fondness toward me is like a wet cat or a stray dog, not a genuine human connection.

june 3rd, 2025

i want to try journaling again; i haven't written a diary since i was a kid.my life is like walking through a dense forest lately. every time i walk around a tree, everything looks the same but different. everything is new and scary and exciting and good and bad, all at the same time.i want to write fanfics. i want to write journal entries. i want to learn how to write essays for a ged i'll probably fail. i want to eat. i want to sleep. i want to read books and manga and light novels. i want to kiss some guy i've only seen through a youtube video, but not in a romantic way, just in an appreciation because he's talented way. like how people kissed the hands of kings of old.i want i want i want i wanti crave companionship and money and things most normal people want. i just don't know how to get those things yet.

april 23rd, 2025

It's the 1st of February. Yesterday I decided that from tomorrow I will start writing on this website and publish it online. Some days will be great, some will be sad, some will be anxious, some will be full of lessons, some will just be a letter to my past to future self, while some will be the comfort for a stranger.&nbsp;&nbsp;I write because I love it. Writing is something that I never want to stop. I hope my writing will help someone someday. I always want to understand people, how they are feeling, what is bothering them, and the things they can't express to anyone and question themselves; I don't want that.&nbsp;Because they don't deserve that. Don't worry; you will be fine, and I will post an article on this website every day :)&nbsp;

Commit to Myself 

I've been ahead of myself lately. I'm not always the best at things or picking the right words at the right moments and It feels like there's always an empty space and when that empty space is gone life shifts and feels better but eventually the room becomes empty again. Actually i'm use to the room being empty its been empty most my life in fact its been so empty i forgot what it felt like to not be the only one in the room anymore. Well anyways I encourage strength be strong focus make the best out of life.

Im 41

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