 What a rude, inconsiderate little bastard across the street.
I loved yesterday and the day before because he was gone all day. They leave
the lanai windows open for the dogs, which miraculously don’t bark at
everything they see going by. They did squeal with delight, though, when they
returned because they were out for so long. They let them run around loose too,
but do stay confined to his property. Well, his and next door’s. He’s on the
corner. 

So after he washed and waxed both the car and the motorcycle,
he ran the motorcycle for about 20 seconds, maneuvering it up the driveway and
into place. Like he really couldn’t walk the damn thing into place? Tom says he
was checking the charger. Unfortunately, it’s not covered yet and I doubt it’s
because it’s still wet but more like that he plans to use it more often. Fucker
looks like a biker too. Stocky build, tats up the arms, etc. 

Anyway, I napped for a bit before this started because I again
woke up hot flashing two or three times in my sleep. 

No energy for going out for a walk today. We went out
yesterday morning and it was a very misty but pleasant walk. If I didn’t know
any better, I would think it just rained because there was so much dew all over
the place. 

I’m 4% through my trip and heading for the Nevada border. If
I can get the energy for at least that much, I’ll make it today. 

G called in my refill and also said that my hormones
could be at play, but it’s hard to say if they’re entirely to blame or not. Not
surprisingly, they asked if I tried a therapist and I told them I tried that, a
shrink, and psych meds to no avail. I swear something doesn’t want me treating
the things that I get for the most part. Can’t treat the anxiety, can’t fully
treat my thyroid, can’t treat my cholesterol. I’m still guessing the bulk of my
problem is on the medication, which really sucks because my need for it isn’t
going to change nearly as much as my hormones may. I think I’ll always have to
be hypo and adjust my waiting time. At least I haven’t been skipping though!  

Rude

 I'm a bit tired today and it's definitely more due to how I
slept than anything else. I kept waking up hot flashing. I definitely slept
better with the temperature under the 70s. I just don't want to drop the
temperature anymore and really jack up the electric bill. 

Very disappointing TSH results at 13. So I only dropped by
one point. The number 13 kept popping into mind before I got the results, but I
rejected it quickly. I just hated to think I could only be down one point. I
still didn't feel the greatest yesterday either. If only I could quit the med
for a year! That would definitely tell me one way or another if the medication
was involved. Eventually, I'll address the anxiety with my doc. I picked up my
lab results on the site. I haven't heard from them yet. I want to see what
my doc has to say first. Today and yesterday I decreased my waiting time to
1/2 hour. So we'll see if that and being back on days helps. 

Doc just acknowledged that I have anxiety on this
medication, so they wanted to know if I would be willing to increase my dose to
two 88s a week rather than jump to every day and if I needed refills. I told
them I needed refills on the 75s and that even though there has been an
increase in anxiety since adding one 88, I’ll be willing to give it a try and
hope for the best. I asked if I could still be affected by my hormones, even
though it’s been two years without a bleed as it's a coincidence that my
struggles with anxiety didn’t begin until after the medication. I still highly
doubt I’ll ever be able to stand to get my numbers normal. 

The 9 that I saw in my dream was in the lab results. It was
just in the wrong test. My T4 is 1.29. 

Chatted with Chris for a while. It was a nice chat. 

Downloaded a meditation app, but I'm sure it won't do me
much good. Again, I'm not stressed out because of things going on in my life. It’s
something going on in my body. Although, I will admit I felt calmer after
getting the results, as disappointing as they were. 

We went out yesterday looking for the waterbed place but
started to turn around when we saw it. At least now we know where it is. At
some point, I may get a waterbed because I think it may help me sleep better.
Then I also won't have to deal with sagging, lumpy mattresses and change them
every few years. I'm thinking that if I keep the heater turned off or down
really low. It will keep me from overheating in my sleep. 

We stopped at Burger King on the way back. 

Jessie should get her stuff in a day or two. Hopefully, she
won't wait on letting me know that she got it and if anything broke. I hope
nothing breaks and I hope she'll be kind enough to let me know if it does
because that's how I know if I can ship like this in the future.  

Not sure if she's reporting 100% of what she hears, though.
She told me she didn't hear any boom car stereos on the way to and from Tampa
and right away I knew that wasn't possible. We heard three or four of them just
seven or eight miles out. That and the loud engines from some motorcycles and
muscle vehicles were pretty obnoxious and noticeable. Tom says maybe she just
doesn't notice them because she's not bothered by these sounds. But how can you
not notice something so obvious? I notice subtle sounds that don't bother me
like chirping birds. I get that I'm more observant than most, but still. She's
either deaf or playing things down. I don't see why she would play things down
intentionally, though. Either way, I would be willing to bet she's hearing the
same things we hear. 

They're back to being out a lot across the street, which I
like because then that's less time to worry about the motorcycle. I expected it
to be taken out yesterday since it was taken out two days in a row, but it
wasn't. For a while, they seem to swap with next door. Next door was going out
more often while they were staying home more often. Next door doesn't matter,
but hopefully across the street will be out more often, like yesterday. 

I passed the 100-mile marker into my trip! I should make it
to the Nevada border today. Based on my calculations, if I continue to do 4% a
week I should complete the trip in early August. Right now I'm just south of
Lake Tahoe. I'm going by Caples Lake. I passed a place called Tragedy Springs
earlier and I looked it up to see why it was called that, figuring some people
drowned there. Instead, I learned that some campers were murdered in the 40s.  

100 Miles

Today was voting day in Noida. And, we went for casting our vote. To my surprise, my wife agreed to give vote to the party which I wanted.

She had to goto mall for some shopping. She dropped me at our society gate and went away. Few minutes after, I got a call from her. She was angry, the car key was with me :)

I tried my mind, and said perhaps it works from mobile phone. But, lets not take the risks. As, we never tried this trick. I asked her to come back. She also did not turned-off the engine. Cool mind she has :)

I forgot the Car Key in my Pocket

 Andy turned 60 yesterday. Andy, who wants to be called Mark.
He said it took his family a while to get used to the idea of it and it will
definitely take me a while too. I’ll call him that directly, but will refer to
him as Andy in my journal and when discussing him with Tom. 

I’m not sure who the hell it was, but I was hearing some kind
of power tool for a few days. It wasn’t a circular saw. If anything, it
reminded me of an electric drill. I first thought it was across the street
because of the way he moved his golf cart back into his driveway. Then for a
split second yesterday, I saw him with a blower. Maybe it was coming from
behind him. I saw an old guy stop at his place the other day. They chatted for
about 20 seconds and at one point the guy gestured behind his place. It wasn’t
nearly as maddening as when Bob and the guy that moved in across from him would
be at times. I could drown it out with the air cleaner on low, but couldn’t drown
out anything at the old place on high. 

While I was unwinding with my audiobook at 3:30 yesterday,
out went the motorcycle for an hour. I could hear it, but I could also
definitely see how I could sleep through it with the underwater sounds playing.
All I had on at the time were the air cleaner and fan. 

I saw him put the golf cart and back again as well. This was
while watching on the camera. 

Interestingly enough, as soon as I asked Jessie to text me
her address and she agreed to do so, so I could send her the gifts, I didn’t
hear from her for a couple of days. Tom suggested that maybe asking for the
address freaked her out, but I didn’t see why it would after all these years.
Instead, I figured she was busy even though she did check in on Facebook on and
off over the last couple of days.  

She just told me a little while ago that they got their
moving pod and have been busy unpacking and she’s working as well. It is a
weird coincidence, though, that does make me wonder. She had time to check in
on Facebook but not to text me her address? She said she’s not freaked out at
all and I would hope and I would think that she would say so if she didn’t want
to divulge it. Even though I shouldn’t let it get to me, I get tired of waiting
on people that claim they’re busy. We’re all busy. I’ve never been
busier. I can’t remember the last time I looked at the clock and realized I had
four or five hours left of my day to figure out what to do with. 

The AC guy came out yesterday, and all hopes of getting an
AC for 4K have been dashed with the ongoing inflation crisis. They did, however,
offer to sell the same AC for 6K that the first guy wanted to sell for 9K.
Still, that’s a lot of money we owe. He was kind enough to throw in a new grill
for us and also add smart features. It’ll be done by next Monday. 

I guess I misunderstood Tom when I said he’d given up on the
rest of the projects. He said he just doesn’t want anymore. Unless an emergency
comes up, I can’t imagine what more there is other than what we’ve already
talked about. They left some Round-Up here so he went out and used it up on the
weeds that were growing by the house. 

Today’s lab day. I’m just a little tired because I forced
myself to get up a little earlier, not wanting to sleep too late in case they
can’t get the AC in before Monday. It takes the better part of the day to do
it, so they’re going to be out at around 10:00. 

For once I had some unusual and interesting dreams, even if
they were still negative. It started off with me thinking of Andy traveling
alone and thinking how boring it would be if I was traveling alone. 

Then Tom and I were staying at a hotel. When I got up in the
morning, the coffee machine exploded. As I was cleaning up the mess, I realized
my medication was sitting there and I thought to myself, didn’t I already
take my med this morning? I was afraid to take it in case I was double
dosing, but then I was afraid not to because I didn’t want to mess up my lab
results. I opted not to and we left the hotel, which was a brief and quiet
stay. I don’t know where we were or where we were going. 

Then Tom and I were sitting in what looked like the center
of a mall. We weren’t sitting right next to each other although we could see
each other. 

I noticed a young girl who had been a part of a group of
girls that were wearing matching dresses and quickly singing something. One was
heavily pregnant. The girl who was in her 20s or 30s kept looking at me.
Finally, she approached me and told me how pretty I was and how she wanted to
get a picture of me. I thought it was odd that anyone would find me attractive
at this age but consented to having my picture taken. 

“I would have worn makeup had I known you were going to take
my picture,” I said. 

She said that was no problem and then another woman who was
a little older was smoothing back my hair to one side. A split second later I
was nodding to Tom as I was heading out of the mall with the women and sitting
between them in a car heading towards a place I assumed they were going to take
my picture in. But then I started getting suspicious about their vagueness and
what their true intentions were. I began to fear they were taking me to a strip
club. I told them I was open-minded and I had been a stripper way back when and
was bisexual and all that but had only agreed to have my picture taken and didn’t
want to be gone long. They said something about 15 minutes to three hours. I
didn’t have my phone with me, so I asked to use theirs so I could let Tom know
where I was. Although the woman did hold out her phone to me, I suddenly
realized I couldn’t remember Tom’s number. So the dream ended with me never
knowing for sure where I was going or with any way to reach Tom.  

Dreams and Such

If all goes well, Florida will feel like Florida starting tomorrow. So, 6 weeks of winter. It’s better than 6 months, but I was really hoping for 6 days. 

Speaking of 6, it seems the good doc only sleeps about 6 hours a night. She seems to go offline around midnight and get up at 6. I wonder if I’m the only former or current patients she’s got on her list. I asked Jessie and Andy’s opinion on the matter and whether or not they would be surprised if a former doctor accepted their friend request and Jessie said maybe she’s just friendly to everyone and only keeps in touch with those she’s close to. That’s what I’m thinking. 

Andy’s response was a little surprising. He said his current doc gave him her cell phone number and said to call anytime he wants to chat or has questions. He doesn’t contact her very often because he doesn’t want to bug her knowing how busy she is. But back when he was losing weight and was all excited about it, he called her for advice. 

Yesterday I didn’t have any anxiety and today I feel slightly borderline. We’re going to the store later, so I’m sure that will help. 

I finally finished Jessie’s diamond painting! It felt like it took me forever. Later on, we’ll spray it with the sealer outside on the grass. I asked for her address and she said she would text it to me. So yeah, she’s definitely afraid to do much on Facebook. I don’t know if it’s because she had a bad experience with it or something else, but she’s definitely paranoid about what she shares. She never appears to post anything and I’m guessing she has me excluded from being able to see her posts. That might kind of sting a bit depending on what it is and how often. I do understand wanting to stick to sharing with family and all that but I just would think good friends would be included. I can’t help but wonder out of curiosity what she posts, how often, and who sees it. I do remember a long time ago she mentioned something about being hesitant to post things for future employers to see. I understand her on that much because unfortunately, you can be fired for what you do outside of work. 

If you say “Hey Facebook” on the Oculus it does things for you like shut down the device, take pictures, and record videos. I recorded a quick clip of me boxing and also riding my board. I’ve taken snapshots as well for a photo album I created for my VZfit trips. 

I’m still in NorCal and 2% through the trip in a place called Sutter Creek. It’s going to be a while before I get out of Cali. 

I’m a little frustrated with Tom because he doesn’t seem to want to finish the rest of the home projects. He was supposed to make the living room shades smart, replace a couple of old blinds, and a few other things as well. At least the AC guy will be here tomorrow. The day after that is lab day. Who knows when he’ll get the guy out to look at the roof? I’ve pretty much given up hope of fixing up the lanai to use as an extra room. He really seems determined to keep that as a storeroom of sorts. 

Hey Facebook

 My weight definitely wants to go up. I’ve been seeing 163
more often at the end of my day, and I know how it works. Once I see a new high,
I’ll be seeing it more and more often until it becomes a regular thing, and
then eventually a thing of the past as I continue on up the scale.  

We went bike riding again. The weather was gorgeous and
breezy. However, I was a bit lightheaded today for a while. Not quite as much
energy as yesterday but more than I thought I would have. 

He and I got to talking about how hypo I’ve been and the
waiting time between taking my meds and having my coffee. He says he swore
Doc O told me to wait an hour. So I did a basic Google search and one hour
is recommended more than a half-hour. Also, caffeine can interfere with the
absorption of the medication so I decided I would start waiting an hour. I’m
also going to make sure I don’t take my magnesium until four hours after taking
it. Doc A told me not to take vitamin C or calcium before 4 hours, but iron
and magnesium also came up on the list of things to wait on. 

I don’t think I can ever get back into the single digits on
this dose, even with waiting. I think my thyroid really has died off some more.
But I may have been adding to my problems without realizing it. I just hope the
magnesium can keep working its magic whenever I do manage to get my TSH lower
and keep the anxiety away. So I’m gonna drop the plan to take 88s and try
waiting an hour on just the 75s for starters. Tomorrow he’ll be able to make
some calls and start getting some answers as to when I can see who and where
and how. I’m thinking an Endo will want to start off seeing me in person, but I
don’t know for sure. 

We’ve been getting some apps, but they haven’t been all that
impressive. He got a car racing app that sucks. I got a language practice app
that is kind of confusing. Plus I got a Cirque du Soleil app that has about a
half dozen acts. I’ve always loved them, but this isn’t very impressive for
Cirque du Soleil. It’s just OK. 

For what was at least the third time since we’ve been here,
an ambulance showed up at the house next to Toni’s. Because there were two cop
cars and other vehicles, including golf carts in the area, we thought maybe
someone died. I stepped out at one point and asked the officers if everything
was OK and they said it was all good. Did “all good” mean that it was all good in
that there was nothing dangerous going on in the hood or that it was all good
because no one died? 

I couldn’t help but notice how young the cops looked, which
is a reminder that I’m getting up there in age. LOL, I swear they looked more
like boys than men. The type one could picture at a party getting drunk and
acting all immature and silly.  

Increasing my waiting time

My name is .... actually my name is not important. I can be anyone.  Your sister, your brother, your son or daughter. I can be your friend, your co-worker. I can be your boss or your employee or even someone you see on the street or your teacher or your student.

It's really not important. What is important is that for a little over 2 years I'm battling with depression, anxiety disorders and B.E.D which is an eating disorder.

The reason I want to share my story is because I'm still trying to understand how I got here. Up until the time my world fell apart I thought that I was in control of everything.  To be honest I had some panic attacks but I didn't think any of it and I was trying to control the short of breathing the heart pumping hard. Actually I didn't even know that those were panic attacks!

But what really drove me to start writing is that video .

The first time I saw that video I thought " awo it's a pity that people with depression go through that but it can't be that bad....I mean it's a dog, and dogs are good, companion, Right?"

Ready or not Depression Attacks

 Oh wow. Someone clicked open nearly every single of my 9K+
entries on MD throughout the late afternoon and night. Abby? Lenore M, our
old neighbor that I shared the link with just for shits and giggles? 

Based on the number of reads I’m getting per current entry
on MD, I’m guessing I get a hell of a lot more than I realize on PB, which is
more active than MD. I guess that you can’t hide from having your click counted
on MD when you open an entry even if you could hide your location. With PB,
it’s easier to hide from personal trackers like what I have. I always figured I
had more visitors than I could see on PB. 

I decided to give the 88s another try, only slower this
time. I took an 88 this morning because I’m sick of the hypo symptoms. It’s
getting harder to keep my weight down, and sooner or later I’m going to lose
the battle and gain some more. I’m only taking one 88 this week. Next week I’ll
take two and then the week after, I’ll make a second attempt to tolerate 3 88s
a week. This will tell me if it really caused my anxiety the last time or was
just a coincidence just like with the brand thing. 

We’ve been in this house five months today and we finally
took the bikes out yesterday. Bike riding is so much easier here than in NorCal!
But you still get a good workout. It was tons of fun, and I would do it again
today if I weren’t so tired. I was up just over 18 hours, which always leaves
me tired the next day. I’m surprised I got a sleep score of 91 because I know I
woke up three or four times. 

It’s nice to have a “smart” kitchen again. It took him a
while but he made the light switch in the kitchen smart. I guess the size of it
wasn’t ideal. He’s also going to make another light in the kitchen smart later
on. 

So like I said, we’ve been here 5 months now. It’s great to
finally be in a place where I’m not constantly saying how much I can’t wait to
get the fuck out. While it would still be nice to be near Jessie and have a
bigger place with a washer and dryer in it, I don’t know if I’ll want to move.
Small or not, this house is ideal in many ways and I love not having houses surrounding
all four sides of us. I’m sure it’ll change, though. Things always get worse, so
I don’t expect the peace to last forever. If they don’t build something in back
of us, we’ll get the wrong neighbors in time. I don’t expect Toni to go
anywhere anytime soon, but across the street could get worse, and if something’s
wrong with the people next door that they haven’t been here this winter, it
could get sold to problematic full-timers. As I’ve learned the hard way,
complaining isn’t usually a good solution. It just gets you spited and makes
things worse. Besides, what I might consider noisy doesn’t necessarily mean
they’re doing anything wrong. It does say in the rules that you can’t have
parties that can be heard in other people’s houses, but they can do all the
home improvements they want. And if their dog has a few quick barking spurts throughout
the day, they’re technically not doing anything wrong as long as it’s in the
daytime. For now, though, I’m really enjoying how much quieter it is here than
the other place. One major project in five months is a serious improvement from
the other park. The main annoyance is the planes. The commercials have been
quieter due to Omicron, but there was a swarm of small planes yesterday that
was annoying. But do I really want to go where it could be noisier and we’d be at
more risk of hurricanes and flooding? 

Yesterday he cast my Oculus to the TV so he could see what I
was doing as I was doing it. This way he could guide me through Rec Room, which
is a little complicated to get established in. I set up a profile and went
through the tutorial and all that. Then I finally got to play the bowling game
he plays. I suck at it just like golf, but it was fun. Even if I don’t have the
energy to work out today, I can still do some golfing and bowling. Maybe play
an archery game too? It seems the possibilities are endless with RV. 

Can’t wait for my new set of nail polishes. I think it will
be good to alternate between polish and stickers. They both have their pros and
cons. Polish is so much easier and you don’t have the filing and all that
stuff. But it definitely doesn’t last as long, and your designs are limited. It’s
nice not having to tug off the stickers even though I have to wait for polish
to dry. 

I’m kind of pissed at myself for not reading the description
carefully on the dolphin diamond painting I got for Jessie. It has those square
drills I hate. They are, however, easier to place with this kind of glue
because it isn’t as sticky. This way I can position them better. 

I used the brush-on sealer for the one I just finished of a
seaside town and at first it looked like someone spilled milk on it. I was
worried it wouldn’t
dry clear, but it did. 

I
installed this really cool add-on to Chrome called Toucan that translates
random words in different languages. Since I’m reviewing the Italian course
now, I set it to that. When I do the German, I’ll switch to that. 

Tomorrow
is beach day! I don’t just want the beach, I need the beach. As long as
the summer storms don’t go waking me up more than traffic did at the old place,
I can’t see myself ever leaving this state. I can totally see why Nane couldn’t
wait to escape Germany in the winter and head down to Turkey or Greece.  

Tom
got some bottled water to take and I realized how it would make us pee more.
But then he reminded me that they do have bathrooms. Yeah, but they’re not just
a few steps away either. Therefore, while I would never pee in a pool, would I
pee in the ocean? Fish do it all the time, so I don’t see how it could harm
anything. I don’t know if I could do that, though. I’m not a kid anymore.  

Would you pee in the ocean?

im currently not having school because of end of the year holiday but right after this holiday, my school gonna have a test and it's full format and i bet it's tough bcs my school is kinda an ass. it's been like a month and i still haven't started anything yet and i hate myself for that. i haven't started studying yet, im gonna go back to school in two-three weeks and im mentally not ready. i really hatey school eventhough i've been there for 4 years and i still hate it. that school ruins me and rn, i don't even have the will to study. im just studying for the sake of my mom and i don't like that. i personally, love doing things with my own will and rn, im not enjoying it. i know that i don't have to like my school bcs majority of people doesn't like them either but im not like that. i have to at least like a little bit so that i can push myself to do something but rn, im lost. i can't function rn. my brain is stuck and i can't do this anymore. i hate school from the core of my heart and i really wanna change school but my mom wouldn't let me. she told me that my school is an elite school and it can make things better for my future and i know that but how am i supposed to learn anything if i can't open my mind to it? im so done. i wanna run but where am i supposed to go? i really wanna x-x but my religion against it. im stuck man, im stuck. it sucks bcs i can't fucking do anything. i just have to act like im okay with fucking everything. im tired being a fcking people pleaser. pls. i wanna not be here anymore. im so fcking tired with this world and i just don't want it anymore. im fucking done . idk what to now. i don't see my future being bright just by being in that school. that school sucks ass and i hate it with all of my cell. nothing can change my view of that school. fuck u 

life update :/

 The day before Christmas I
slept through quite a parade, according to Tom. We didn’t even know they did
parades here. They went by twice on golf carts shouting “Ho-ho-ho!” and honking
horns. He said they were pretty loud. 

Now, will the Canadian
couple across the street come honking back in their truck before or after the New
Year? 

The dog in back that goes
off all night long reminds me of Brandy and Whiskey. I’m guessing those dogs
are dead by now, although Whiskey could be on his last leg. Either way, I’m
sure Jesse replaced them with new dogs to store outside like old furniture and to
bark their asses off. 

Anyway, if the dog in back
was just a little louder, it would be annoying. If we had any kind of a back
porch or patio, I wouldn’t want to be out there at night. It barks on and off
in spurts, sometimes for hours at a time. I still have to believe the owner(s)
work third shift because I don’t see how the hell they could sleep through all
that barking. If I can hear it hundreds of feet away, how could they not? I
feel bad for the neighbors! I wonder why it’s easier to hear on some nights as
opposed to others, but I’m guessing it has to do with the time of year,
temperature, and wind direction. 

We got a bike rack to park
two bikes and put it in the corner in front. When I say the corner, I mean
between the outer walls of the lanai and kitchen. We could bolt it to the
ground, but decided it’s very unlikely that as long as they were locked up that
anyone would be that desperate to take the rack and bikes as a whole. We’re not
out very often, and if they were going to make a try for it, that’s when it
would be. 

We also gotta cover for
them so that in the summer when it’s too hot and humid, we can cover them and
keep them from getting too weathered. 

For the first time in the
five months we’ve been in this house, I’m going for a bike ride later on.
Yesterday morning was so cold when I went out walking that I just went around
the block and back. I totally felt like I was back at the old place! 

I have a nail polish set on
the way with 24 different colors. Yes, you read right. The sticker whore is
getting nail polish. I’m thinking that tugging off the stickers may also have a
hand in why I’ve got nail lifting. You really do have to tug hard. That’s what
makes them so good and makes you able to shower with them and do heavy cleaning
and all kinds of stuff. Some nails actually look a little better, but my thumbs
are horrible for some reason. Perhaps that’s because they’re bigger and so
there’s more tugging on those nails when removing the stickers. I still think
most of it is likely due to my thyroid, but I figure it can’t hurt to go back
and forth and do polish for a while and then go back to stickers. 

The few bottles of polish I
have are old and need to be replaced. I was hesitant at first to get a set of polish
because I figured there would be colors I didn’t like, but I found one that doesn’t
have any boring earth tones and they’re full-size bottles too. 

I also got a new portable
bidet similar to the other one we had because these bidets leave me too wet.
The stream is simply too wide. It’s fine for taking a dump, but not for women.
I just wonder if the wetness is part of what’s caused my rash. 

I shared my MD link with
Abby privately and I wonder if it’s her that clicked on dozens of entries
yesterday. I mean dozens and dozens! Even if they glanced at them for just a
second, it still would have taken hours to click open a dozen or more entries
from each year that I’ve written.  

Shut up!

 OMG, it’s so
cold out there! This does not feel like Florida. We’ve been having a
cold spell and it’s going to be another day or so before it ends and we stop dropping
to 50 degrees or lower at night. We didn’t even need the AC at all the day
before yesterday. Definitely wish we could have afforded to head further south,
but fortunately, these cool spells don’t last long and this is only the second
one. 

Can’t believe
how long I slept last time around. 9 hours and 47 minutes, according to Fitbit. 

A few days
ago, Tom said his bad ear was weird. He said it was like he couldn’t hear at
all from it and it was vibrating in a strange way. 

My nails are
still lifted and sensitive, and I have a groin rash. I’ve had it before, only
this time around Gold Bonds doesn’t seem to be helping, so I switched to
hydrocortisone. Then when I looked up the best remedies for it, it suggested
alcohol or ACV. Well, I’m going back to adding ACV shots to my sparkling water
because it does seem that my skin got worse since I stopped them. I just have
to make sure I have a banana every day. 

On next year’s
calendar, I’m going to mark a T whenever I’m tired. Like too tired to work out.
I’ll put an M down whenever a motor of some kind wakes me up, be it
motorcycles, trucks, helicopters, whatever. I’ll put in an A if I’m anxious, and
an S if storms wake me up. 

I got up at
midnight and until 4:00 in the morning, I heard tons of motorcycles blazing
around outside the park. In one case I heard what sounded like a group of them.
Where are all these people going on Christmas at that hour? I can’t believe
such racket is allowed at that hour. And I still wonder when the hell anyone’s
gonna do anything about it. How do people sleep through that shit? It’s like
the laws that allow for such monstrous motors and boom car stereos don’t have any
more respect for people than the people that do this shit. 

I was looking
around on Amazon for different ideas to add to my future Etsy store. Besides
just diamond paintings, crystal pendants in all kinds of colors seem to be
popular, so maybe I can add those. I found a small kit that would generate a
decent profit if they sold, but not cost me much if they didn’t. 

I thought
about including the shipping in the price of things, but I don’t know about
that in the case of international sales. It might be better to add a shipping
calculator and have them put in their ZIP code and base it on that. 

We ran out to
Publix yesterday morning. Love that store. Just wish it wasn’t so expensive. I
grabbed a couple of boxes of scallops in garlic sauce as well as mushroom risotto.
Plus I wanted to get raw peanuts to bake for snacks. I just wanted some variety
instead of the usual meat and veggies. 

So that guy
that’s in jail said that MD was the only site they let him on. It has to do
with the study of incarcerated inmates.  

Merry Christmas!

 I was reading around on another diary site
and found that I wasn’t the only one that documented her time in jail. Only
they didn’t have a false victim and they deserve the sentence they got. Stolen
credit cards I guess. The thing is that this guy is posting while he’s there. I
guess it’s part of some future study or something like that. It still amazes me
that inmates have online access but they do. Anyway, they went in this month
and have an 8-month sentence to do. 

While I was sleeping, Toni
gave us some pumpkin soup in a really nice bowl with a cover. The cover had a
little dial with numbers on it and I don’t know if that’s how long you’re
supposed to heat it up for or what. The dial was a little plastic cover attached
to the main cover, so I opened it so the soup could vent when heating it in the
microwave.  

It was funny how she got
both our names wrong because she wrote on the box that it was for Jean and
David from Santa. Tom said she said that if we didn’t like it to just get rid
of it and put something in it that we like. He told her that while he doesn’t
like anything, I balance us out because I like everything. It was good too.
Perhaps just a touch spicy, but otherwise delicious. 

I’ll go over and thank her one
of these days soon. I might even give her a diamond painting, but not too soon
because I don’t want her to think I’m only giving it to her because she gave us
the soup. 

We went to a different CVS yesterday
morning. Every time I say I’m not going to get another doll, I do, LOL. Well,
at least I don’t collect like I used to. She’s 27 inches tall, but I could see
why she was only $12 when I pulled her out of the box. She’s made of a very
thin, lightweight plastic. Even her white injection mold shoes are. She wears a
pretty red dress with a heart in the center of it. She has brown eyes and reddish
hair in a ponytail with a red headband that matches her dress. She’s one of
those dolls that walks with you, but she doesn’t walk very well. Those things
never do, not that I got her for that, of course. She stands by my desk by the
door. 

I also got some candy and
some blueberry wine. Never had blueberry wine before. It’s Blueberry Fruscato by
Barefoot only. It doesn’t taste very blueberry. White Merlot is my new
favorite, but this one didn’t have it. 

Tom said that when he was
in back of the house the other day, he wondered if someone had a kennel because
off in the distance he could hear about eight dogs barking at once. Well, it’s
been a noisy night here so far. Although I don’t mean noisy in the way it was
at the old place. There is a dog somewhere in back that I can make out but it’s
soft enough not to be annoying. I think there are actually two dogs back there,
but one I hear much more often. I wonder if it’s someone working third shift because
it’s left out all night and I don’t see how the hell that person could sleep if
they were home. I feel bad for their neighbors! 

I’ve also heard more than
enough motorcycles blazing down the roads outside the park. Fridays and
Saturday nights are the worst for that.  

Pumpkin Soup from Toni

 It’s one thing to have
nightmares. It’s another to have them when you’re psychic. Really hope the
thyroid related dream I had doesn’t mean anything, but I wouldn’t be surprised
if it did. After nearly 9 years, that’s pretty much common sense anyway. It was
one of those vague dreams where I remember feeling hypo symptoms even though
they didn’t feel as they normally would in real life. I felt hopeless in the
dream knowing it was from my thyroid and that there wasn’t anything I could do
about it. 

Then I had these weird
dreams about some guy blowing up cars in a parking lot. Us being in an
apartment that they were connecting via stairs. Then there was one with Nane.
She lived in a huge apartment building and I’m guessing I did too. Someone
stole some cosmetics from her and wanted me to return them, but I was afraid to
because I didn’t want her thinking I was the one that stole them. So I was thinking
of getting a bag to stick them in, leaving them on her doorknob, and then
running for the elevator before she got to the door. 

We’re having our second
cool spell since we’ve been here. If I’m in a robe and slippers, it’s too cold.
It rained on and off all night last night, and I was telling him how it’s been
raining like crazy all of a sudden in Cali and how it was disappointing that it
waited until we left. But then he had a very good point when he said that was
actually a good thing because the roof was on its last leg. That’s so true too.
It was. That’s why it would sometimes stink when it would rain because it was
leaking into the attic area. I hated that rotten wood smell. Poor Debbie! LOL. 

I don’t know why, but they
had problems getting the oil diffuser to me and cancelled the order. I decided
to just skip it for now rather than look for another one because we’ve got
enough stuff coming and I can always burn incense when I’m in the back office. 

I sent copies of my group
rant to the co-founder of the app, as well as Charlotte, who used to
be a Mod. Charlotte surprised me by saying she totally understands my being
sick of the positive toxicity, which is why she hasn’t been a Mod for three
years. I didn’t expect a reply from either one of them, and while I didn’t get
a reply from Eugenia, I was surprised to get an understanding one from
Charlotte who lives in Germany. Not that I have anything against Germans, of
course, but since I’ve had mostly bad luck with the ones I’ve interacted with,
I’m hesitant to strike up any kind of a friendship. 

[It’s so true, though,
about the toxic positivity as she said. Like the person who wants to bury their
head in the sand in the name of political correctness and be all positive and nicey-nicey
when it comes to Muslims. No matter how shitty they treat people, we must, must
must say nothing but warm, fuzzy things about them! *eyeroll* 

Mia went on a funny
Facebook rant the other day. She was warning me how dangerous they are and how
they’re slowly chipping away at people’s privacy. Then she wanted to take me
into the woods and show me her tits. 

Nightmares

Again I changed my mind about publishing some old stuff before I'm gone. Not because I’m paranoid, but because it’s just too much stuff to go through. I’m 99.9% sure nothing bad would come of it if I published it as is, but that’s not the point. The point is that it’s supposed to be my online contribution left behind after I’m gone. Like a memoir written in real-time.

When I’m gone or close enough to it, I can just claim last names are fake and the worst that could happen is the same thing that could happen now and that’s that it could get deleted for something people don’t want to hear. 

Did a big Amazon order for $245. Here's a list of what we got.

A 4-tier display shelf riser for more of my animal and fairy figures.

A dolphin diamond painting for J and a pack of floral-themed diamond paintings to hopefully sell along with a butterfly theme.

Mod Podge brushes and glue to seal the diamonds.

Tye-dye-themed face masks with five different designs.

These really cool headbands with buttons on the side so you don't have to have the mask straps around your ears, something I could have used over a year ago and that really helps when one of your ears isn't normal.

He got an email saying, effective immediately! Tia is on a leave of absence and someone will be replacing her for a while. We're guessing COVID.

The planes have been back to being annoying as fuck. I hope that by the time I roll back on the days they've quieted down again. I won't get more than a day or two off from them either way.

As I was falling asleep yesterday morning at 8:00, it was 32 degrees at the old place, LOL.

We used the sample Walmart gave us of laundry detergent and it gave us both rashes. He got a little rash on his upper arm and I got one in the groin area. Same burning and itching I had years ago. So yeah it was definitely caused by the wrong detergent. In the meantime, thank God for Gold Bonds powder! There is a reason, though, why we use the Free & Clear.

Shopping

 I got fed up with the Rep group and left. I
complained about the daily glitches, people jumped on me about it because it
was “negative,” and I’d had enough of only being able to post the positives without
getting attacked. If you don’t say what others want to hear, you’re “negative,”
no matter how honest and factual you really are being with no intention of
offending anyone.  

Yes, their rules do say to
keep it positive and that posting negativity is unhelpful and
counterproductive. But that’s wrong. The fact is that they’re actually truthful
and honest. What do they expect people to do, lie and say everything is just
peachy when it’s not? Don’t get me wrong, it’s a wonderful app. But it’s full
of glitches and it needs work! The only way they’re going to be aware of the
problems is if people are allowed to address them. Emailing them directly has
done me no good at all. I don’t know if they just don’t care or if they’re that
incompetent in their coding, but the app seems to be more and more glitchy by
the day. When you only allow positive comments, you’re basically only telling
half of the story because. No app is perfect and no group, forum, or whatever
is going to receive 100% positive comments. When you create groups of any kind,
whether it’s on account of an app you’ve created or some other program, you are
going to get complaints. If you can’t handle them then why have groups? Better
yet, why have apps if you can’t handle complaints and you aren’t gonna do anything
to fix the problems? 

They also say not to claim
anything is scripted when people get all warm, fuzzy feelings about something
positive their Rep told them. 

In other words, don’t tell
little Johnny that Santa isn’t real, and don’t tell little Susie that the tooth
fairy isn’t real either. 

Lastly, they say not to
message anyone without their permission. 

I’m sorry, but who died and
made them the Facebook police? Who the hell are they to say what people can do
outside of the group?  

Bye bye

Kinky Kathleen

So the FDA “permanently” approved abortion pills by mail. Yeah, we’ll see how long that lasts.

Been having more rat dreams lately, understandably, since we don’t have pets at the moment. To me, they’re great because it’s a way of visiting with these “pets” without the mess, smell and expense. It was funny because I was thinking of most people and how they would consider them reoccurring nightmares.

For the last month or two, I told J that I had a feeling about something happening on January 21st. Turns out that’s to be her closing date! It’s nice to have a prediction for once that is neutral or positive rather than the usual negative shit.

I would still love to know why I have such a strong feeling about these floors never being redone. I still say that’s either a good thing or a bad thing. It’s bad if the storms end up running us out of the state, but good if we end up with more money than expected that it doesn’t matter when we go to sell the place. And yes, I still sense this isn’t the forever place. Next stop will likely be.

My nails weren’t improving so I stickered them back up because they’re just so ugly. I think only an endo or a dermatologist can help me with those.

We went to CVS across the street from Walgreens and it was similar. They had pretty much the same things and the same annoying music playing. The store was clean, however, and definitely less congested than Walgreens. We signed up for this membership that gives us discounts. The young lady working there liked my new dress. It was one of the Airy pieces.
 

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White Merlot

Mia now has 11 pairs of pants, 3 pairs of shorts, 2 skirts, 5 dresses, 26 tops, 5 pairs of shoes, 5 tubes of lipstick, 3 bracelets, a set of rings, a pair of earrings, and will soon get her first necklace.

Trump hasn’t been president in over a year yet I still see his fucking face all over the web.

We went down to the pool today. Not long after I got up, and even though it was in the low 80s out and the pool was 84 degrees, it still felt a bit chilly. Just like last time, no one else was there. Also, like last time there were a few wasps and music was playing from the speaker outside the clubhouse. Hate to say it, but I think I liked the pool at the old place better, not that they would be swimming with highs in the 40s and lows in the 30s, LOL.

We’re going to be having a cool spell as well. We’ve been having highs in the upper 70s to low 80s and getting down just under 70 degrees at night, but we’re going to be heading for highs in the 60s and lows in the upper 40s.

On our way back from the pool, some guy slid open his lanai window and asked how the water was.

Then we ended up chatting with Roy for a few minutes. This is the guy with oxygen and a motorized wheelchair and an emotional support dog that Tom had quite a discussion with on yard sale day. He’s the guy that’s been here for over 40 years. He wrote our names down on a pad of paper because he has trouble remembering names.

I’ve been sleeping well, even though I still get bouts of fatigue and my nails still look horrible. Every single one of them has lifting. It’s hard to say if the treatment is helping or not. Why can’t I just have normal nails? Why does being hypo have to have so many annoying symptoms? Why can’t I just take the medication my body needs?!

On the bright side…if I make it through the rest of this roll onto days without anyone waking me up, that’ll make two rolls in a row and the first time in nearly a decade.

I checked completed diamond paintings on Etsy because I wanted to see if any of them are moving. Some of them seem to be. While I was at it, I got a great idea. Instead of framing a diamond painting someone did, they glued it to a painted canvas. That’s a great idea! Much cheaper than traditional frames or even the magnetic frames too. I’d just have to paint the canvas edges the color that would best go with the diamond painting, then glue the painting on. 

Mia, Roy, Etsy

Hi there

My niece Ayush Gupta, who was studying in Noida from past 3 years got a job today.

I'm very happy for him. I prayed GOD for his job. He was a good student, although I knew that he is talented, but there is always a feat. What if he didn't get job.

All efforts are now sorted, got fruitful result. I remember, when he took admission in Lovely university, Punjab. I insisted his parents to admit their son to Noida. And, they agreed. It was a big decision then. As, they had done the admission, paid partial fees.

Today he called me, and I was super happy. I talked to her mom, my sister. And, I expressed my happiness. Although, I'm too bad in expressing any emotion. She said, its all because of me. She said, she cried hearing this news.

Ayush got Placed - Happy Moment

Few days back Ayush got a placement offer 

Today was his joining. I called him yesterday to know about his plans. I got a surprise when he said he is not joining and rejecting the offer.

- His mind is not giving him good signals

I was like, come on. You are taking a risk which may not be fruitful. It is the risk that he can not afford.

In evening, I also talked to Hitesh. And, he was also of the same opinion that he should have joined it.

And the thing he is not discussing these things with me. Where I was kind of involved much.

Ayush decided not to join the company!

Hitesh had to come to greater noida for a wedding event of his friend. He planned to meet in greater noida, with Ayush. I had no car, as Kanika took it her home. I took an Uber, reached there at Pari chowk. While waiting at Pari chowk, it reminded me of my old days, when I used to wait for bus in a crowded place. Now, the time has changed. Its a luxury, lets appreciate it. 

We went to some boring mall, and we had to goto Venice mall. We went there, and kept on talking about shitty things. When Hitesh and I talk, our direction move towards startups/life. I tried a lot not to talk about these things. But, when we talk, our direction goes there automatically.

Ayush must be thinking, what is wrong with these guys. Overall, it was a good time. 

We took some Nawabi chai from a small cafe: "Chai Le lo". And, the tea was really awesome, I forgot to take the pic. In lunch, we had chur-chur naan.

A meet with Hitesh and Ayush

I'm the kind of person who started journaling before I could form a proper sentence. It helps me process. It makes the world around me come together and make sense. Lately I've noticed, nothing is clear anymore. I'm looking at myself and thinking, "Who is that?" It has been years since I last sat down with my journal and cheap Bic pen and let it all out on those pages. This isn't for a lack of time or even laziness - I have so many great things to say, but those are not the things that I need to get out. The things I need to write about are terrible. Those crazy and raw thoughts that go through your mind. The complaints about life, God and humans. The "how the FUCK did I get here?" questions. I am so scared to put these thoughts on paper, get run over by a truck tomorrow and have the people I wrote about (the closest people to me) find it and those be the last things they read about themselves. That fear, as unlikely as it may seem, has kept me from writing. It has kept me from doing the one thing that works for me - the only thing that allows me to think, understand and move on. So - if you are offended by language, this isn't for you. If you are embarrassed by sex (or lack thereof), this isn't for you. If you like to hang with people who are like you, this isn't for you. I am like no one. I'm proud of that, but also, I hate that. Why is it that I need to be so different - why can't I just...blend in? You'll never understand me, but please do try. 

I am sparkly, but I am dark. I am happy, but I am sad. I am smiling, but it's fake. I am working, but I wish I wasn't. I am great at what I do, but I feel like a fraud. I love who I am, but I wish I was someone else. I am grateful, but I want more. I am religious, but I am bitter. I am laughing so I can make it to tomorrow. I will tell you all about it. One day at a time. 