Yesterday i cried. Yet again. I am going to be 32 soon and i haven't married yet. The pressure and influx of thoughts of being lonely and then pressure from parents and society is s much that i want to run away. But i don't just want to get married for the sake of it. I want to fall in love but more than that I want to be loved passionately. I want to know what it feels like to become center of someone's life. I want to have one person who can't live without me. I think i am good enough person once someone gets to know me. I am not the prettiest to catch attention wth one look. Neither i am extrovert enough who can charm someone with flirty talk. I really hoped someone to find me and love me for who iam. And if won't happen i would be fine still if i could live alone than be forced to compromise to settle for just anyone. &nbsp; but as of today i should get out of dreamy land and stop waiting for love. I am going to get married whoever my parents find for me and whoever settles for my plain outer shell.&nbsp;Today i a heartbroken. Why was i was given a soul of hopeless romantic if love was not written in my cards…&nbsp;

Feeling numb again

I have tried hard all my life to break free. But I don't know what I need to break free from. I have always been scared. Scared of taking space, scared of imposing on others, scared of being in places I think I don't belong to, scared that I am asking too much. It's like I am living in a cage of fear.To break free I became financially independent. But I am still caged, I still can't look people in the eye and say no.To break free I moved far away from my blood relations. But their harsh words still bring the worst out of me.I am scared all the time that someone would ask me to do something which imposes on my boundaries but I won't be able to refuse. I am scared that even though I have moved away from my toxic family I can't really break the blood bond and break away from the fear of their judgmental eyes.I afraid I will end up becoming a slave for my future husband’s expectations.I am so scared that I am suffocated. I am scared of being scared.

Sleepy fox just wants to be awake

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