Since the time we returned our Coorg trip. I'm realizing that she is happy till the time, I'm spending money on her. She was very happy on the trip.
As soon as we landed in home, she started showing her symptoms of frustration, shouting. I could stare at her face at her unneccessary frustration and shouting either at me or at kids.
She looks very happy if I keep on spending money, roam outside, buy new things, eat outside etc.&nbsp;
Actually, she was like this only. She changed herself since December 2021, when I kind of declared that we are separating. She changed like vow. If she could remain like that in our initial marriage days, life would be different.
Anyway, she is coming back to her previous life. Which looks bad for me.

She is started her old behavior again - Shouting Unnecessarily - Noticed another behavior

I posted a photo of mine and Gul Panag in our familly group and everybody was laughing on some joke. I also put some joke that Kanika is jealous of this pic and she is not talking :)
She took this literally in bad shape. Why are you putting me in this? This and that. Bla-bla. And she continued this for long. I had to go for injection dose, I left without saying anything.
I was wondering that she had never gone to college or she had never some friends with which she could laugh and laugh on silly talks. She was like this always. She could get anger on anything, literally anything. I was wondering, if she could take this lightly and just laugh. Any kid can tell that it was just a joke.
I could not sleep last night well. Her behavior reminded me of her usual behavior again. She was behaving like a changed person from lst December. When I just said her, that we are separating.
I think a person can not be changed. I was thinking that one day she will show her colors. And, I think she just came out of that. Lets see, how it goes.

Yesterday Again - Her She Showed Her Usual Side Again!

Its been 2 weeks since I'm not talking to her. And, believe me, its so much good life. I'm not listening to her anger, frustration, ego.
And, look at her ego. She talked to me 4 days before asking, "bahut acha lag raha hai aise?".
I just said, you leave your anger and we can talk. To which, she just walked-off.
I mean, all I'm asking her to drop her anger while talking to me. She just cant do this.

And, this relationship is going nowhere. Divorce is the only option that I felt will be good for us. I'm not able to initiate any action.

2 Successful Weeks in not talking to her

I'm thinking hard these days that why am I living with her. Even if I hire a maid, she will take less money and will do whatever I will ask her to do. I know this is bad thinking, but I'm not happy with her.&nbsp;
I have seen girls who fights with in-laws, others, BUT not with husband. And, she fights with me. The reason, only known to her.&nbsp;
I started feeling that she is having some mental issues. Her anger is too much. Kids are also facing this. Everything is going well, then all of a sudden she made the atmosphere worse. She is a master of this.
I keep thinking of separating from her, and thoughts of living separate with her. It feels good, but thinking of kids made me sad.&nbsp;
I tried talking to her father. But, he is such a useless person. He did nothing, instead he tried making me understand. I was so pissed off. Now, I'm in no mood to talk to anyone. I will now make a decision (If I could), and just convey them.
When will I get that courage?

I'm not able to take hard decision - Separate from her

Yesterday night, I was having suicidal thoughts again. I mean, there was no life. I can not talk to her, she is always in fight mode. Yesterday, I went at 7:30, prepared tea by myself. I played with kids.
In night, at around 5AM, I started having abdonimal pain. And, suicidal thoughts were coming. I was so frustrated, and thinking to kill myself. My health was too bad.

Suicidal thoughts again

So, we enjoyed both the marriages, flat muhurat, Diwali. And believe me, it was a great pain in the ass to keep calm in front of her and my parents. She is totally unbearable and untolerable now.
We have no relation, no feelings. She kept finding ways to shout, taunts, show her anger for no reason. Yesterday as well, I had to give it back saying: "Its not possible to talk with you. 8/10 talks ended in quarrel".
I was playing with kids inside room, she kept blabbering. I somehow kept my cool, and went outside to play with kids. I vent my frustration on the ball.
And, her usual. She can not prepare my food plate. I mean, she does nothing except shout and unecessary counting her work.

This reminds me of her morning.
We came late last night from wedding at around 2 AM. We slept late, keeping in mind that we will slept till late. Daksh will take off. In morning, I woke up at 7:15 for milk-wala, maid. And, slept again. I had to do my office. I woke-up again at 9 AM. I did not disturb her or kids. She wake up at 9:30 AM. As soon as she wakes up, she started shouting. I'm wake up since long, so many tasks are pending. Daksh woke up. She kept shouting at him, you do it, you do that.&nbsp;
I was not going to office, took my milk by myself. It was 11 AM, with no sign of breakfast. I asked politely, please prepare breakfast. She started shouting, I thought you were going to office, its getting so late, when will I goto bath, I thought of preparing breakfast after taking my bath, its not that late. I again asked politely, its late only then I asked you to prepare breakfast. She did it with full frustration.
I always wonder, if we wake up up late, then why so much hurry. To whom, you need to show that you are well bathed. At 2 PM, she asked will you eat lunch? It was full of guilt and frustration for me in asking her for food. I mean, come on. I said Yes, then I said, leave it, No. She again, went with looking visiblly frustrating. She prepared roti with yesterday's dal.