i can't help but wonder what others see when they look at me. do they see someone confidant or scared? happy or sad? crumbling or strong? both or neither or all at once? is my fear noticable? are my worries and stress written on my face? can they see how much i crave the social contact but shy away from it at the same time? do they pity me?&nbsp;&nbsp;i don't want something to grow from pity. i want a real connection but i fear that their fondness toward me is like a wet cat or a stray dog, not a genuine human connection.

june 3rd, 2025

i want to try journaling again; i haven't written a diary since i was a kid.my life is like walking through a dense forest lately. every time i walk around a tree, everything looks the same but different. everything is new and scary and exciting and good and bad, all at the same time.i want to write fanfics. i want to write journal entries. i want to learn how to write essays for a ged i'll probably fail. i want to eat. i want to sleep. i want to read books and manga and light novels. i want to kiss some guy i've only seen through a youtube video, but not in a romantic way, just in an appreciation because he's talented way. like how people kissed the hands of kings of old.i want i want i want i wanti crave companionship and money and things most normal people want. i just don't know how to get those things yet.

april 23rd, 2025

now, as stupid as this question might sound.. i can't help with it.&nbsp;you know how the world is now, "overstimulated". i don't think i have to explain what overstimulation means. with all this content here and there, more then just the needs, it quite easy to get lost on them. when was the last time you enjoyed silence? or even sitting alone, not doing anything. can't remember? obviously you can't. because we all are "too busy" to even feel our heart beating.&nbsp;i think, in this overstimulated world, we are losing ourselves. now, you probably know about the hype of "self improvement". i mean, nothing bad with that but the online gurus. i don't think that in order to improve yourself you have to wake up at like 5am, spend 2 hours in the gym and all the hustle culture. it's rubbish if you ask me. because is something works for you doesn't mean that it will work the same for other person. if waking up at 5am and hitting the gym for 2 hours works for you, it might not work for me but waking up at 7am, and half an hour of yoga might do. same with everything else. if you think that mint choco is the best icecream flavour out there.... well, i do not think so, it taste like toothpaste.so coming back to the question, who are you? the one who is consistently being influenced? by media, social media, family, friends, etc. if you were to be alone somewhere where no one is but you, for like an year.. what will you do? how will you think and act. will you care about how you are looking, or what time is it or your other responsibilities as person.&nbsp;try sitting alone, into the boredom rathen them mindless scrolling. who knows if it might open more things to you that even you don't know about..&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;--the thumbnail is from a music video "spinning globe" by kenshi yonezu (give this song a try if you want)

medium_Screenshot_20240516-004408.jpg

small_Screenshot_20240516-004408.jpg

thumbnail_Screenshot_20240516-004408.jpg

Screenshot_20240516-004408.jpg

who are you? 

Although, this is my hobby project, and I'm thinking of going ahead in this.

Today, I bought another name: lifeinreel.com

I have some ideas in this space. Lets see.

Lifeintext Next - Life in Pics/Videos

Today, I called to Ali, plumber for fixing something at house. A lady picked up the phone, and asked for confirmation.

She was about to cry, she said, unka to intkal ho gaya (He is dead). I was shocked, I asked how. It was an accident. I could not say anything to her. After few seconds pause, I just said acha! Cut the call. Shocked! Life is so unpredictable.

Plumber Ali is no more

medium_lobby7 (1).png

small_lobby7 (1).png

thumbnail_lobby7 (1).png

lobby7 (1).png

Be myself

These days, I do not feel like doing anything. I waste time a lot.

May be its because there is no work at office. Its a wrong thing, thats why I decided to change.

But yes, I do want to retire from this rat-race.