june 3rd, 2025

i can't help but wonder what others see when they look at me. do they see someone confidant or scared? happy or sad? crumbling or strong? both or neither or all at once? is my fear noticable? are my worries and stress written on my face? can they see how much i crave the social contact but shy away from it at the same time? do they pity me?

 i don't want something to grow from pity. i want a real connection but i fear that their fondness toward me is like a wet cat or a stray dog, not a genuine human connection.