My current state of mind

Do you know what is troubling or bothering me? I put in my best efforts and the results are turning out to be very bad.

This is where my good part of the brain chimes in. I have given the worst possible interviews and got lucky, how come I never complained about that? Well, I am a human. I only talk about my bad days. I am really trying to be a better person. The thing is, now getting a job is a big kind of deal. I cannot rely on pure luck. But it seems to be the case. No matter how well you perform in the interview, in the end, it is always luck. I was told that I was ahead of other candidates in the interview and I received a cold rejection the very next day. What do I take of this? How can someone bring someone's hopes up just to let them down the next moment? 

I am sincerely sorry to the Universe for being an AH right now, but I feel at ease after writing out my mind's voice, for unfortunately I cannot even cry myself out in my room and scare off my roomies. This is the phase I never want to look back at. I can take a thousand heartbreaks, although they seemed physical at one point but career-related problems are the worst of all. No, correction, health-related problems >> loved ones problems >> career-related.  But now that I am in this phase, I am finding it hard to enjoy life. I do not know what to do! I am clueless. I seek God's help now more than ever. 

When I was heartbroken in my previous relationship, although I could feel the pain which was as painful as a sharp knife stab through my heart, I do not remember asking God for anything. I questioned him though. I questioned him why it had to be me. What kind of mistakes have I made to deserve this fate? But, now I wholeheartedly ask Him to give me the job that I have put my best efforts in. I totally deserve it. I am a human, and although it was said to have detachment from material possessions in the Gita, it has come to a point where I will not be able to survive without a job. I am in the desperate need of money to flow, for I am penniless. And all I can work for is the job I have applied to (legally speaking). I cannot work for anything else. 

Oh god, what have I done to myself? 2 years ago, although I didn't have great money flowing, I was content with the money I was getting. I fed myself and I had a comfortable life. Maybe a little too comfortable that it led me to seek something better. Never have I ever imagined I'd be seeking the things I had 2 years ago. I miss my mom and dad so much that every time I talk to them on call, tears roll in my eyes. 

I do not know what kinds of sins I have made, but I would like for His mercy now! Dear Krishna, if this ever reaches you, please know that I sincerely regret all my mistakes and I would like you to forgive me for everything I've said and done. I will try to be a better person. I need hope! Please give me the hope. 

I am not becoming hopeless after just 1 try. I have been sincerely trying since last year. I might not have been in the best shape last year, but I have made it this far. I made it this far from no calls to cracking 3 rounds of interviews. But, what is it for if you cannot get into a job? I need luck on my side. I need Krishna behind me. I need a job and only then can I figure out how to live this life. I am not saying this as a depressed person. I am being very logical when I say this. Because I cannot think about anything right now. I am almost craving for it. I am even believing in myths.