journal " more than two years back "

from the memory

Anonymous User

Story written as Anonymous User

Mon, 01/25/2021 - 18:27
writing in a journal

I surrender ! After years of struggling with the fact that I can never be like others , you know being , normal. Or being among the herd. I wanted to graduate from university everybody did , I didn't ! I wanted to get married, everybody did! I didn't ! At least everybody I knew did. I wanted kids of my own could't have them, obviously could't have them before having wish number two which is getting married! So this is me , no degree, um married , no kids , bummer , what a loser ! No body wants to be with such a person ! No hobbies , if I wanted to do something, I would read a self help book! oh ! how can I forget to mention I have always been obese ! Not like chef obese, but like I do not cook I only eat kind of obese. How sad ! Add to that no communication skills , no friends , can it get any worse ?! yes it can ... but I wouldn't go further in this tragic story cause it fortunately has a happy ending or shall I say beginning! 

 Well, at 34 years old I discovered that I have an enormous amount of freedom by being single and not having children of my own yet ! I am my own boss ! I can sleep whenever I wanted ,and as much as I wanted ! No husband demands , no children demands. as for studying and earning a degree in some boring major that once was a goal rather than being a purpose or a means to head or reach somewhere. After years of self doubt , now I can say that the education system failed me! I was much more than being a technician in the field I once found my self in to prove some or fix other issue I had with getting low  grades and status.This education system turned out to be a place were both the good and bad graduate. some cheat , some even buy their diplomas! Not all but some A+ students are nothing but memorizers , no life skills or communicating skills, very bad at group work. The education system it self is designed to mass produce people that would fit for certain jobs that mostly have no vacancy and leaves no room for creativity. 

Dropping out of university was the start  the beginning of the inward journey that I un purposely had to pursue. After years of guilt , anger, sorrow , tears  and battling issues like depression, taking antipsychotic meds ,and being interviewed by mad spiritual sheikhs that were looking for jin in me and by being hit on the head by one of them with a thick bat !, therapy and life coaching came in to my life, and saved me. through it I discovered that my love for food could be turned in to a career and combing that with my passion to write cause two careers are better than one! I thank Allah almighty first and foremost they my life coach for guiding me and most importantly for believing in me and standing by me in the darkest moments of my life. god bless you. in conclusion never give up on yourself. there is always hope as long as your alive. best of luck and take care. <3


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Anonymous User

Story written as Anonymous User

Mon, 01/25/2021 - 18:27
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