My body is aching and asking me , actually pleeding for a break. which I subconsciously refuse. The feelings are up again. dread , guilt , shame , pessimism , and blame , along with much more interwind feelings that I am too lazy to untangle. A tear fills my left eye , and refuses to fall out. reminding me of how cold my heart and soul are. like salty rocks that calcifies by time, the salty tears in my eyes lost its ways out and decided to drop in and on my heart and soul.which eventually made my heart become harder than rocks.My mind asks " will ever heart bloom?", "will it live to see spring?","maybe the worlds spring , not my heart's spring!" I reply. My brain tries to solve it mathematically and while doing that it was trying to bend science rules to get to the probability of my heart melting , breaking , or anything just to have faith! oh wait , isn't that the hearts job ? having faith? yeah it is ! but wait ! how can my heart have faith when all it knows and experienced is cold harsh mediums that led to its calcification ? my heart still aches ...intristing my brain thinks , " your aching ?! that means you have feelings!" brain says. " you still have some warmth in you , eureka! (I found it!). There is a chance of spring to spring again !, there is a chance for the warm sun to shine from the midst of the ice cold heart.There is a chance that birds get to sing their songs and for trees to rise and bear fruit!!!" exclaims brain.My heart chuckles to the fact that that its possible one day. But for now its hard, cold, and aching.